


From Yesterday

by jovialien



Series: Iantowood [5]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dubious Consent, M/M, Temporary Character Death - Jack Harkness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-19
Updated: 2012-08-19
Packaged: 2017-11-12 11:57:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 38,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/490680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jovialien/pseuds/jovialien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>See notes - Spoilers!</p>
            </blockquote>





	From Yesterday

**Author's Note:**

> Jack is back, but both time and his team have moved on. Is there still a place for Captain Jack Harkness in this new Torchwood - and more importantly, is there still a place for him in Ianto's heart?
> 
>  
> 
> _BTW the dubious consent tag is just to be sure - the Dubious consent tag covers a scene where sex is referred to in the past, not a graphic 'live' scene._

Ianto could feel the hot water rushing over his bare skin as he rested his head against the cool tile, his head killing him but not as much as the ache in his stomach. What had he done?

John was gone, but amusement at Ianto's condition had been all too evident in John's eyes as he had dried off without concern for his own nakedness, even as Ianto had hastily grabbed a towel to cover himself. Ianto could still feel the words sticking in his throat, barely forcing their way out as he had tried hard not to look at John.

“What happened last night, did we... What did we do?”

That smile had not exactly reassured him, the look smug and satisfied, like the cat that had got the cream. Then John had leaned in close, close enough for Ianto to know which shower gel he had borrowed and that he had used the 2 in 1 shampoo on his hair. 

“Nothing you didn't want to do.” John had brushed past, a slight drag of damp skin against Ianto's making him shiver just for a second before it passed. “I'll leave you to it, I'm going to Johnson's for more clothes. See you at the office.”

Ianto had been torn between wanting him to stay, needing to know exactly what they'd done, and wanting him gone, wanting to deny he'd ever been there at all. He felt sick from the alcohol, his head was throbbing with the pressure of the previous day and his brain felt foggy, confused. But all of that was nothing compared to the feeling that was missing from him.

Guilt. He didn't feel guilty. He felt angry at John for letting him do it, at himself for giving in to temptation, at Martha for betraying him and even at Jack just because it hadn't been him. He felt disappointed at himself for giving in, but worse he felt disappointment at not remembering it more than he felt guilt for doing it in the first place.

Reaching for the shampoo, Ianto lathered up and tried to resist the urge to laugh. He had finally managed to do it. He'd forgotten about duty and responsibility and loyalty and actually thought about just himself for once, he'd been completely selfish and taken something just for him.

Of course, he had no idea what exactly he had done last night but on some level it didn't matter; he had intended to do it. He had known the consequences of his actions and he had chosen to do it anyway, he had finally learned to separate his body from his heart and his brain and just gone for it. Jack would understand it; hell, in a twisted way he would probably even be proud of him for it.

Then why did it feel like a little part of him, of what had made him Ianto, had gone?

Dipping his head under the water he breathed out slowly, feeling the water stream off his nose and watched it flow down the plughole, swirling steadily, never wavering. He almost envied it, its sense of direction, of knowing exactly what it should do and where it should go next even though it was nothing but gravity really.

As he watched the water trickle away, he could feel flashes of the night before coming back. He could remember the fight in the bar, the pain of the blows to his body and the pleasure of his fist slamming into someone else. He could remember moments of the taxi home and John's hands all over him, the taste of his tongue and lips, of John groping him and sniggering at the driver, of stumbling on the stairs and laughing, unable to stand up again, of the door opening-

Of reaching the bedroom, a vivid flash of watching his grubby shirt fall to the floor-

Of John's bruised chest above him, muscles and scars so clear in the bedroom light, leaning over him, protecting his bad arm as he dipped lower, his lips so close Ianto could feel himself going cross eyed trying to focus on them-

When the water ran clear, the shampoo all gone, Ianto moved back out of the spray and just stood there, letting the air chill him off as the steam billowed around him. He had done it at last, he was starting to move on. He had to do it, he had to live his life and stop just waiting for Jack. It was the right thing to do and he had taken the first step.

Now if only he could convince his heart of that.

As his hand automatically reached for his razor, ready to create the completely smooth feel Jack had always liked, he hesitated, running his fingers over the stubble. Maybe if he was losing the Ianto he had been it was perhaps time to start making some changes and try to remember who he had been before all this, before Torchwood.

Before Jack.

Grabbing the shower gel, Ianto lathered up, ignoring the pain in his head as he slowly began to recover from the night before. He felt somehow freer than he had in a long time, as though taking action, any action, even making a hideous mistake like John, was somehow better than carrying on as before. 

He suddenly had the urge to wear jeans today, and a t shirt. The suit wasn't needed, especially not for what he had planned for today. Besides, he had only really started wearing the suit for Jack, no one else in the office had ever dressed that formally. Maybe today he would wear something else, just for a change.

Maybe today things would be different.

As he stepped back under the water again and rinsed his body clean, Ianto Jones had no idea just how different things were about to get.

********************************************

The clink of something being put near his head, combined with soft footsteps nearby, dragged Jack out of sleep and he reached out, his arm groping for the metal edge of the bunk and down to the floor for his boots. Instead his fingers sank into soft carpet and his hand brushed against something soft yet unyielding, that danced back out of his reach as he touched it. Opening his eyes, he looked up, the soft peach light of the room confusing him but not as much as the face staring at him kindly.

“Good morning, Jack.”

For a second, he had a flashback, remembering the last time that face had wished him a good morning and reflexively pulled his arms back, checking his wrists. As quick as it had come the memory vanished again and instead a huge grin lit up his face as he sat up in the bed.

“Tish!” Opening his arms, she leaned down to hug him, his grip so tight she laughed as she felt him crushing her.

“Easy tiger, I'm not that kind of girl.” Letting go, she pulled back and stood up straight, folding her arms as she looked down at him. Jack raised an eyebrow at her and smiled softly.

“You're looking good Tish.” Shrugging, she pulled up a soft curved tub chair from the corner of the room and sat down, crossing her legs and resting her hands on her knees. Her pencil skirt was riding up a little but still demure, her stockinged feet and smart blouse a little out of place in the girly room but her hair was loose, softening the look and gently curling around her neck as she regarded him.

“You've looked worse yourself. Though I'll admit, there wasn't exactly much you couldn't do to look better than that.”

Looking down at himself, Jack pulled the pink duvet up higher and tried to look casual at the fact that he was naked under there. It wasn't the nudity that was bothering him, it was trying to work out whose room he was in. The colours were girly, young and fresh and somehow did not mesh with the funky flat Martha had once had. Perhaps it was Tish's old room then or a guest room. Jack wriggled in the bed and grinned uneasily, always finding it a little uncomfortable to be in someone else's bed when they weren't.

“Thanks.” Spotting the cup of tea on the side, he took it and sipped slowly, enjoying the warmth of it then wincing as he realised his lip was sore. Putting the mug down again, he touched his jaw gingerly and raised his eyebrows in begrudging admiration. “Your brother in law has a hell of a right hook.”

Leaning forward, she peered at him closely then smiled. “You've had worse. But I can get you an ice pack if you want?”

“Thought Martha was the nurse.”

A look something like disgust ghosted over Tish's face before she hid it again and suddenly it struck Jack just how much time had passed since that year. Tish was older, not just physically, but stronger. She wasn't the naïve young girl he had once survived hell with.

“Martha and Tom are gonna be busy for a while and whilst I'm sure mum would love to mother you senseless, she and dad have nipped out to grab some extra food. They weren't exactly expecting house guests. So you're stuck with me again.”

“Just me and my favourite Jones girl all alone. Just like old times.”

Smiling oddly, Tish shifted in the chair and slid her skirt a little lower. “With no chains and no psychopath, I'd say a lot better than old times.” She watched as he sipped his tea again and her face softened. “Jack, I'm sorry for your loss.”

The unexpected sympathy made Jack swallow his tea too quickly and he hid it with a quick wipe to his lip, wincing at the cut again. “Thanks.” It hadn't occurred to him that coming back to Earth would mean this, would mean facing... sympathy. He'd expected anger at having been gone so long - although Tom's rage had caught him completely off guard and ended with him finding himself thrown bodily from the flat into the night. He had just been grateful Francine had been willing to take him in. 

Anger he'd expected, surprise, maybe even a little bit of people being pleased to see him, but sympathy? Sympathy meant thinking about it again, meant acknowledging the loss, the pain, not pretending everything was alright. Sympathy was something Alice deserved, not him. It was something he hadn't had for a long time.

It was something he had to face though, and better to get used to it now. In a moment he had gone from surprise to pain to gratitude and he could tell she had seen all of it on his face, his guard down around her in a way it was around very few people. Softening his face, he nodded to her seriously. “Thank you.” A small smile, that told him she knew exactly what he was thinking, was her only reply as she draped herself across the chair properly, her arms by her side as she watched him drink.

“So what brings you back? This a flying visit or are you back for good? And is it end of the world time or just a social visit, because I have a meeting this afternoon that I should get out of if it's the end of the world. I am not spending my last afternoon on Earth watching old Mr Harris trying to understand online marketing.”

“Marketing?” Jack nodded in approval.

“I finally got a job on my own merits instead of being because some nutter wanted to trap my sister and you know what?” She broke into a big grin that lit up her whole face. “I'm really good at it.”

“That's great Tish,” Jack replied with a smile, sitting up straighter in the bed as he finished his tea. “Really great. I'm glad you're doing well.”

“It's not been easy,” she admitted, looking serious. “It was hard getting over that year, especially for mum. Not to mention feeling a year older than I officially am and poor Leo having to cope with all of us going bonkers. But,” she said quietly, “we manage. And we're just starting to really get back on our feet, you know?”

Pushing up from the seat, she stood then moved to perch on the edge of the bed next to him. “So, come on Jack Harkness, you wanna tell me why as soon as you turn up my sister rings up all hysterical that she and her husband are on the verge of splitting up and the new reports are carrying stories of something going on in Cardiff and alien ships buzzing over London?”

“Ah, that.” Smiling in what he hoped was a disarming manner, Jack put the mug down and held his hands out defensively. “The ship was my lift, they had a little trouble finding a decent landing site and got a little lost over the Thames. They don't like water that much.”

“No invasion?”

“No invasion.”

Sighing in relief, Tish leaned back on the bed, her casualness reminding Jack that he was in her house. “That's something. And Martha and Tom? Why the hell did he punch you?” Looking at him seriously, he recognised the steely look in her eyes. “Have you and Martha been messing around?”

“Hell no!” At her slightly annoyed look, Jack laughed and shook his head quickly. “Not that she isn't cute, but seriously, no. I've not even been on the planet! Tom just seems to have got it into his head that she's cheating on him or something.”

“Oh.” Tish frowned and stood up again, restless. Moving around the bed she finally gave up all pretence at stand offishness and lay down on top of the covers beside him, folding her arms over her stomach. Now she was sure he wasn't causing trouble she didn't see any use in standing on formality. She had seen Jack at his very worst, had seen him in pain and broken and it seemed silly to be uncomfortable just because he was naked and in her bed. “So, if it's not you...”

“Wait, you think she really is seeing someone?”

Shrugging, Tish settled into the pillows and looked up at the ceiling. “Could be. She never seems to come home, always spends all her time in Cardiff. I mean, I know it's a good job and all that, but it does seem a bit odd. Might not be another bloke at all though, might just be a misunderstanding.”

“Might be another woman,” Jack deadpanned, glancing at Tish sideways as she began to laugh.

“Nah.”

“Maybe not.”

Tish shifted to lie on her side and looked at him seriously again, her hand flat on the duvet between them. “So, why are you back?”

Taking a deep breath, Jack blew it out and avoided her gaze, all too aware that he was lying naked next to a beautiful woman, in an empty house, with no one to disturb them-

-and all he could think about was leaving.

“I guess... I'm tired of running.”

A soft arm wrapped over him and he placed his hand on her wrist, accepting the hug and soft kiss to his shoulder. “You heading back to Cardiff?”

“Yeah. It's been too long.”

Nodding, she patted his chest reassuringly. “Can you stay for breakfast first or do you have to go right away? 'Cause I'd either go before mum gets back or accept you're here for the day if I were you.”

Chuckling, Jack twisted to look at her properly. “I think some food would be great but better make it quick and avoid your mum. I may need all my strength for this.”

“Damn right mister,” she said confidently, pushing back and sliding off the bed and heading for the door. “I'll go stick the kettle on again, mum will be back soon, but if she's home before you're ready I'll give you a lift to the station and rush you out of here before she adopts you.” Stopping in the doorway she paused and turned back again, a small frown line appearing between her eyes as she looked at him. “Wait a sec, so the ship was you, Tom's hissy fit wasn't really about you-”

“Well, I did break into his house so maybe a little-”

“-and the explosion in Cardiff, was that you or not?”

Jack froze, his tired brain finally catching up with what she was saying and the blood draining from his face. “The what?”

***********************************************

Ianto caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirrored lift doors and smiled slightly. His usual suit was gone. Instead, loose (but not that ridiculous halfway down his butt style of course, he still had some standards) and slightly faded dark blue jeans, a simple dark t shirt and his old denim jacket were there in its place. He looked younger somehow, the clothes actually more fitting for a man of his age than the suit was really. He could almost convince himself he was just a kid again.

Until his gaze reached his face. The dusting of stubble covering his cheeks added a year or two to him, but not in a bad way, the darkness accentuating the increasingly defined jawline that he was growing into. The subtle softness of his youth was slowly melting away from his face, a stronger, somehow fuller yet more defined face starting to appear as he began to slip undeniably closer to his 30's. 

But the scar on his face, just above the shadow, seemed to age him more than anything else. Or was it his eyes, not lines or the usual age signs, but the harshness he could see there that made him start for a moment, a ghost from his past haunting him in the mirror until he realised the reflection truly was his own.

Trying not to shudder, Ianto forced a smile onto his face and the ghost vanished, just his own face remaining. He was fine. Leaning closer, he smiled more genuinely as he realised the stubble seemed to make the scar less obvious, its white lines somehow less stark and clear on his face with the extra feature. Maybe he should try growing a beard-

The doors slid open as the lift arrived, jolting him out of his thoughts and making him hurry forward, keen to get this over with. He hadn't intended on visiting the office today but the night before had left him with a few... things he needed to sort out.

Waiting for the security scans to clear him, he began running through his list of chores for the day, planning how long he would have to stay and wondering if it was too early to try visiting Gwen, would little Harri be awake again yet or was it feeding time-

The door swung open and he frowned as he realised the lights were on, muttering under his breath about wasting energy, until he realised he could hear singing from inside the office. Hurrying in, his hand reaching to his waist for a weapon that wasn't there, he held the door open in case he needed a quick escape. His eyes darted around the office quickly, until they located the source of the singing and in spite of himself Ianto laughed.

The singing stopped abruptly, a dark haired technician spinning round to face him, her long plait swinging out behind her and almost knocking over one of the empty blob containers on the desk. “Sir! I-”

“It's okay, it's Jasmine isn't it? Didn't you transfer in last week?”

“Yes sir. I know we're supposed to be off today but-” The young woman blushed, her cupped hands held in front of her and instantly explaining without words her reason for being there. Sitting in her palm was a large pale blue blob of what looked like goo, one of the more tame species of the strange aliens that they were attempting to rehouse. “I was just-”

“Feeding the blobs, I know.” Walking over, Ianto held out his hand and let her slide the blue creature into his palm, its colour changing to a soft purple. Holding it up higher, Ianto squinted at it as it responded to his thought and became striped with colour, a long streak of red shining through it before fading to purple at the edge. “Is this one Betty?”

“How did you know?” Jasmine blurted out before blushing again. “I mean, yes, I didn't mean-”

“It's okay.” Ianto passed the blob to her, watching as it draped itself over her fingers before sliding back into her palm contentedly. “Betty was always better at striping than the others.” Running his fingers along the top of the containers, he watched the slow trail of purple his touch seemed to leave behind as they responded to his slightly melancholy mood. “So you picked the short straw huh?”

“I uh, well some of the experiments are time critical, and of course the blobs get a little feisty if they aren't played with every day-”

“Feisty is one way of putting it,” Ianto admitted, smiling at the memory of the first week they had been looking after them. The blobs were naturally curious, agile and capable of climbing, rolling and sliding pretty much wherever they wanted - but not so good at working out what surfaces were safe and which could harm them. Helping Albert recover pieces of himself from the carpet had not been fun, and when Charles had lost a section of himself down a plughole there had been pandemonium and a search for a wrench.

But, slowly, the creatures had learnt to trust the humans, content to confine themselves to their containers for most of the time in exchange for the time they spent interacting with the staff themselves.

Not to mention the obstacle course some of the guys had built in one of the side rooms. It had started as one of those weird hamster play sets but had grown into an enormous system of tubes, toys of all sorts of textures and slides that the blobs loved. The biggest problem, like with any children, was getting them out of there again if they weren't ready yet to finish playing yet.

“I should let you get back to it. I have some things to do in my and Mar- The medical office. If you're finished before I go, come let me know so I can lock up again when I leave.”

“Of course sir.” She eased the blob back into her container, cooing at it quietly as she ticked off a section on a small chart stuck in front of it and reached out for the next one in line. Nodding to himself, Ianto walked away before stopping and turning back.

“By the way,” Ianto said quietly, “were you singing to them?”

He hadn't thought the girl could blush any deeper than she already had but she did, a deep crimson flushing over her skin as the blob she was halfway through picking up turned green at her touch, showing her embarrassment in brilliant colour.

“I, uh, I...” Shrugging helplessly, she let the blob wrap itself into her palm and held it in front of her almost defensively. “They seem to like it.”

Grinning, Ianto nodded. “I know. You should try playing them some rock music sometime, especially anything with a decent guitar track, Guns n Roses is one of their favourites. It's worth seeing.” Giving her a wink, he continued on into his office, unlocking the door and pushing it open before wincing.

He'd forgotten he'd trashed the place.

Stepping over broken glass and wrinkling his nose at the smell of alcohol, Ianto headed for his desk and was grateful he had spared the computer at least. He had work to do.

And after he had taken a few precautions in here, he had some things he needed to take care of in Martha's room too. Flicking on the computer, he leaned back in his chair and sighed, almost wondering if it was worth asking Jasmine if she had any medical training. He had had plenty of practice at taking other peoples blood, Lisa's in particular, but he was rubbish at taking his own.

Especially as he hated needles.

******************************************************

Jack drummed his fingers on the cheap plastic armrest, willing the train to go faster, the newspapers tossed onto the empty seat beside him all talking about explosions in Cardiff and broken glass. But, as nobody was reported to have been seriously injured, none of it eclipsed the headline about some MP fiddling his expenses to support a mistress.

Some things never changed.

Staring out the window, Captain Jack Harkness watched the world flash by and glanced up at the cloth kit bag tucked into the luggage rack above him. It contained everything he owned in the universe - and a couple of extra bits; sandwiches, a bottle of drink and several types of chocolate bar had been hastily packed in his bag by Francine, her admonishment that he was looking too thin still ringing in his ears. 

It was so odd, being given a packed lunch and pocket money. All his old credit cards had long been discovered and shut down by the government and he hadn't exactly found a bureau de change that would accept universal credits yet, so he had been forced to borrow from the Joneses, embarrassed that at his age and after travelling so far he couldn't even manage a simple train fare.

He felt like a kid again, being packed off to school or something, and couldn't help smiling at the thought. Francine and Clive had been so good to him, the whole family had become close to him during their year together, and it had been simultaneously soothing and really weird to be back around them again. 

Part of him had wanted nothing more than to hide there forever, to forget all his responsibilities and just be taken care of for a bit. And he knew that they would have let him, without a second thought, as repayment for all the times he had protected them, all the times he had taken the Master's wrath on their behalf and been made an example of. They would take care of him any way they could and it felt so... nice.

At least, it had until Martha had rung again, saying she was on her way home with Mickey. He had insisted on speaking to them but what she had said to him... He hadn't dared to wait for the face to face version, afraid to see her after all the damage he'd apparently caused. And when she had said about Ianto, and John, all he had thought about was getting there, before it was too late-

Except it probably was.

Shaking off the fear that gripped his heart tight, Jack looked up as the ticket inspector came through and fumbled through his pockets for the orange striped card that would take him back to Cardiff. Home. It had been his home for so long, but he was almost afraid to see what had become of it. He had deliberately not returned to the Plass before leaving the planet, had avoided any of the places he knew so well, especially any he associated with Ianto. But now all he wanted to do was find something, anything, that was as he remembered it. 

And for the train to go faster of course.

He took back his ticket without a word, but as he looked past the guard he caught a glimpse of a small face peeking at him between the headrests of some seats further down the train. For a second his heart seemed to stop, the smile seeming so familiar that he almost felt himself rise up out of his seat, a name on his lips-

“Steven?”

The train passed by some trees, the light coming through the window striping and strobing across the carriage and breaking the spell. The kid was young, only a toddler, and his hair was mousey not the white blond that Jack had thought he'd seen.

Closing his eyes, Jack turned his face back to the window and blew out a shaky breath. He would get past this, it would fade, he knew that. He just needed to give himself time and get used to being around humans again.

He would be fine.

Forcing himself to open his eyes, he glanced at the clock displayed on the scrolling screen at the end of the carriage. Still two hours to go, all the papers were read and he couldn't settle to do any puzzles, not like this. He had some holovids on his wrist strap of course, but somehow he didn't think seeing a three dimensional holographic display in the middle of the train was something most people expected on a drizzly Tuesday. Especially not the sort of movies he had.

Standing up, Jack pulled the kit bag down off the rack and searched through it, finally finding the food Francine had packed. He smiled at the neatly wrapped sandwiches and forced himself to relax and settle down again, biting into the bread without really paying attention. Two hours to go, he could last two hours.

But he made sure he didn't let himself look around the carriage again until after the kid had left.

*************************************

Ianto pushed the handles of the bag he was carrying back onto his wrist and double checked the plaster over his finger as he strode towards the old Tourist Office, making sure the edge was sealed tight. It was so stupid, after all they'd been through yesterday and the fight last night, the biggest injury on his mind right now was where he'd fumbled a shard of glass tidying up his office, the sticky vodka making it hard to drop into the bag. He'd absentmindedly flicked it off his hand and in return had dripped blood over the carrier bag before noticing the cut. It was his own fault, just a stupid mistake.

Maybe that was why it hurt so much more than all the other wounds on his body. Except for the needle bruise on his arm of course.

Picking his moment, when the fresh surge of tourists drawn to the bay by yesterday's explosions had lulled briefly, he slid through the simple wooden door into the darkness beyond, closing it behind him before trying the lights. He was pleasantly surprised when a couple of weak lights came on. It didn't look so bad today, the smoke all drawn away, the dust settled and the patches of colour starting to come through again. 

Glancing at the small doorway into what had once been his 'office', he found his gaze drawn as always up to the strip of melted plastic at the top of the door, all that remained of his old plastic curtain. It had been there when he took over, a relic of some previous occupant that looked and felt as though it had been there since the seventies. 

He had insisted on cleaning it at least once, after Lisa had died, and he vividly remembered sitting there behind the counter and picking out the years or maybe even decades of dust caught in some of the grooves on the beads. It had taken him all day but he had welcomed the distraction.

It, just like the rest, just like Lisa, was long gone now.

Ignoring the rest of the mess, Ianto pulled a powerful torch from the cloth bag he had tucked under his arm and carried on to the stone corridor leading down to remains of the Hub, the fresh smoke stains marking the ceiling and making him sigh. Some days he seriously wondered if he should stop this, whether he should just seal it all off and leave it undisturbed, make it the tomb in fact that it seemed to him every day.

Only the thought of the frozen bodies trapped under the surface, including Jack's brother, kept him going. That and the part of him that couldn't quite let go of it all yet.

The stairs echoed his footsteps hollowly and he couldn't help his breathing quickening a little at the thought of being alone down here right now. The scans had seemed to indicate all the fires were out at last and the place had been ventilated with fresh air without any new flare ups so it should all be safe. Except for the rubble and debris littering the main Hub of course.

The thick soles of his boots were dull on the stairs, the metal hidden within the toe cap making the shoes feel stiff against his toes but he wanted the protection. As the torchlight showed the pile of rubble littering the entrance to the Hub, Ianto slowed and reached into the bag once more, pulling out a hard hat and slipping it on. The last thing he needed was to be knocked out by a stray brick, that would just be embarrassing.

Dragging the bag behind him, Ianto scrambled over the debris pile and slithered down into the central Hub, playing the powerful torch over the mess. It didn't look much better than it had the day before, but the acrid smoke was gone leaving just the mess behind. Reaching into the bag, he pulled out a couple of long and powerful glow tubes and snapped them on, a soft white glow filling the space not as brightly but more diffused than the torch was and allowing him to see further.

The damage really was around the edges, the wooden boards at the centre almost visible under a thin layer of rubbish, and he mentally revised his estimates of how long it would take to fix. The work area where they had had to dig out John and Johnson was more of a right off however, the equipment there buried and probably destroyed by the impacts. Ianto crouched on the rubble and looked down into the small hole where the pair of them had been buried and counted himself very lucky that neither of them had been killed.

But the damage had had a more lasting effect, on him at least. He had no choice now but to make a decision that he had been trying to avoid for a long time. There was no point denying it; they couldn't keep looking for human remains down here any longer, it was a luxury they couldn't afford. All the rubble would just have to be decontaminated and shifted in one go, they could regain a lot of time if they didn't worry about what they were uncovering. 

If they didn't keep looking for Jack.

He should have made the call ages ago, but hadn't been able to... to what, Ianto wondered. Give up hope that Jack would be in there somehow? Or just accept that he was really gone. Speaking of which... 

Ianto shifted on the rubble and clambered over to the dark hole that marked where Jack's office had once been. Dragging a couple more tubes out of the bag, he lit them and tossed them into the dark hole then took a deep breath and peered through into the space beyond.

The desk was gone, that much he was sure of, a pile of what looked like charred firewood spilling out from the wreckage in that corner and he felt a moments grief that such a part of Torchwood history was lost. The blast had been so hot the old wood never really stood a chance but he hadn't been quite able to give up hope that maybe it had somehow survived. 

The ladder that stood nonchalant against the wall had fared little better, its rungs twisted and wrenched from the wall in a couple of places, and Ianto blew out a long breath, little hoping that anything of value could possibly have survived in the office itself. Playing the torch over the ceiling, he checked for weak spots before contenting himself that it looked solid and sliding down into the space. Bricks littered the floor and it took him a few seconds to locate the hatch in the floor, the handle looking surprisingly intact.

Leaning over it, Ianto put the torch down and tried to turn the wheel, grimacing at the resistance. It felt completely stuck and he wondered if the old seals had melted in place around the metal ring, sealing the room off when the blast hit and making it impossible to get into. Maybe it was some safety feature from whatever the room had originally been, designed to protect those above from whatever would have been in there.

But maybe it had also worked the other way and preserved what lay beneath.

Reaching for the torch again, Ianto glanced around the room for anything he could use as a lever to help force the wheel then stopped as a small flash of white caught his eye. Crawling across the rubble, he frowned as he peered at the strange object sticking out from the wreckage of the desk, an odd triangle of metal covering part of it but looking oddly familiar-

“Hey there...” Putting the torch down to shine onto the white mass of coral, Ianto carefully pulled the metal away and smiled at the slightly smudged mass beneath, hard spines greeting his gaze. Stroking his fingertips over it carefully, he was amazed at how such a delicate thing could possibly have survived the blast. 

Digging it free was a slow business but he did it with care, not wanting to damage the coral any more than it had already been. Jack had once joked that it was sentient but just a baby, and that maybe one day, many centuries from now, it would grow into a powerful space ship. Ianto had laughed, but the little thing was definitely hardier than any Earth coral he had seen so maybe there was some truth to it.

Just in case, Ianto handled it carefully and slid it into the bag. “Easy there, I'll get you somewhere better soon, I promise. We'll take better care of you this time.” Sighing, he wiped the back of his hand over his forehead and frowned as he spotted the access panel for the vault. Personal possessions would have to wait; he had business to attend to first.

Standing up, he walked carefully over to the wall and got out a small handheld device and moved it up and down the brickwork slowly, checking for power readings. They were faint, but there was definitely something there, just a trace. The emergency systems were still functioning.

After the planets had moved and Jack had come back from the Doctor, he had insisted on giving Ianto and Gwen full access to the vault system, even the restricted items, “just in case”. It had proved to be one of the few forward planning things Jack had successfully put into place and one Ianto was very grateful for now.

Accessing the vault systems, he smiled grimly as the emergency power let him operate the controls, opening the vault codes. It took him a few moments to navigate the system, his memory letting him remember the complex procedure easily but not helping speed up the process. Finally the emergency protocols were online.

Taking a deep breath, Ianto entered the final code sequence and checked the system clock to make sure it was still accurate before entering a future date into the system, one week from today. As he pressed the final button, there was a soft sigh from the machinery and the system went dark, dormant once more. Satisfied, Ianto stepped back and nodded to himself. 

Nobody would be able to access the vault for a week, even him. Something very odd had been going on around here, and until he got to the bottom of it at least he could rest assured that no one would be able to access the vault, no matter how much they had found out about the codes.

Paranoid, maybe, but, Ianto reflected with a wry grin, it wasn't paranoia if people really were out to get you. And there were too many variables out there right now for him to let his guard down.

A trickle of falling pebbles outside made him pause, staring out into the dark Hub. He was pushing his luck being down here, he'd done what he had to do, he should go whilst he still could.

With one last longing glance at the hatch door, and a mental note to return with a crowbar tomorrow, Ianto gathered up the glowsticks and the bag with the coral tucked into it, and clambered back out of Jack's office and into the Hub. Time to leave the dark and get back out into the daylight.

*****************************************

It wasn't until he got off the train that Jack suddenly realised he had no idea where to go.

Martha had mentioned something about a new headquarters in an office building, and that they were digging out the old Hub, but other than that he had no idea where anyone would be. They had all gone into hiding, moved into new places and hidden their tracks. Without a lead he had no place to start, no way of knowing where to begin.

Jack stared up and down the street in frustration, trying to figure out where to go, and was halfway through bringing his hand up to his shoulder to readjust his bag, when he stopped still. Sticking out from his sleeve was his wrist strap, the one thing he never, ever, willingly left behind.

The one thing no time agent, future, present or past, would ever willingly leave behind.

Moving quickly, he flipped the strap open and his fingers played over the tiny controls, the moves so controlled and memorised Owen had once complained that there was no way such a little panel could possibly access so many different things.

Jack had simply shrugged and pointed out that Owen's small mobile phone now held more processing power than computers just a few decades before could fit in a room. It really wasn't size that counted, it was how you used it.

And right now Jack was using it to scan the area for a particular kind of radiation signature, a tiny signal that would be undetectable to any other equipment for at least two centuries but to him showed up bright as day.

Another vortex manipulator.

Getting a location, Jack closed the strap and set off down the street, his bag swinging on his shoulder as he tried to resist the urge to run. Better to save his energy. After all, he didn't want to get tired out before he'd had a chance to kill Captain John Hart...

*******************************************

Gwen smiled as she opened her front door, pulling Ianto into a hug before he'd even got one foot inside. He laughed and tried to protest but not very convincingly and instead gave in, just enjoying the supportive embrace for what it was. Finally, she let him go just long enough to pull him into the house, her hand in his as she dragged him towards the kitchen. Sitting himself at the table, he watched as she quickly set to work putting the kettle on. 

The kitchen was a bit of a clutter, a line of empty baby bottles upside down by the sink and the remnants of that morning's breakfast still on the side, but otherwise the house had that clean but slightly scuffed around the edges look he'd come to associate with loving family houses. Stifling a yawn, Gwen poured him a mug of hot tea, the familiar fruity tang of her herbal blend drifting through the air as she swung into a chair opposite him, throwing a stray tea towel onto the side to clear enough room.

“I was wondering when you were going to get round to seeing me, so, how are you doing sweetheart?”

“Been better,” Ianto admitted, leaning back in the chair. “Sorry I didn't call before coming round, seem to have lost my phone last night.”

“Is that all you lost?” Gwen asked innocently, the faintest twitch of a smile curling round the edge of her mug as she held it in front of her mouth, mischief sparkling in her eyes.

“I don't know what you mean.”

“Oh come on Ianto, this is me,” she said, putting the mug down and leaning forward. “Martha rang me last night all worked up and saying John was after you.”

“And what did you say to her?” Ianto asked quietly, focusing on his tea.

“I told her, a year or two ago I would have been sending out search parties and shooting him on sight if he came anywhere near you.”

Looking up, Ianto smiled just a little as he raised an eyebrow curiously. “And now?”

Shrugging, Gwen took a sip of her herbal tea and opened her eyes wide, mock innocent and shocked. “I told her unless she knew where I could buy tickets it was absolutely none of my business what you two get up to.” Putting her mug down she stayed silent for a few seconds then burst out impatiently. “So, did something happen with you two or not?”

“I thought it was none of your business,” Ianto pointed out.

“Oh come on Ianto, my days consist of nappies, the local mum and toddler group and trying desperately to get enough sleep to stay sane, the closest thing I have to a sex life right now is watching Loose Women in the afternoon, now do a girl a favour and let me at least get some vicarious thrills.”

Laughing, Ianto tried his best to look innocent but failed miserably. “There's nothing to tell really.”

“Oh,” Gwen said, trying to hide the disappointment from her face. “I just thought- Well, you two have always had this... Spark I guess. And from the way Martha was talking she made it sound as though John was a man on a mission. Plus you've not really been out much since Jack-” She broke off apologetically then glared at her mug. “I can't believe he was still in touch with Martha all this time.”

“I know.”

“I mean he always does this, he just never tells us anything about his past until it blows up in our faces-”

“Often literally.”

“-and then buggers off with hardly a word leaving us behind to carry on without him. But to get Martha to spy on us and report back, oh when I see that man I am going to give him a piece of my mind.”

“Get in line,” Ianto muttered darkly, making her look up and catch his eye, matching glares on their faces making them suddenly stop. Breaking into smiles they laughed quietly.

“Oh who are we kidding. How can anyone resist Jack for too long? Especially when he does that helpless eyed bit. And it's not like he didn't have a good reason for going this time.” She glanced at the baby monitor on the side and shook her head. “I don't know how he does it Ianto. I thought losing Tosh and Owen was hard but to lose a child...” Shuddering, she wrapped her arms around herself and avoided Ianto's gaze, even as the unspoken truth of what he had done, of how he had killed a child, Jack's grandson, hung between them.

“I don't blame him for going. He had to do it,” Ianto admitted. “I just wish there was a way I could give him space but still be with him at the same time. I don't have forever and I just... I miss him, and sometimes I just hate him for making me miss him.”

“I know love.” Gwen put her hand over his and squeezed tight. “I know. But you don't have to literally wait for him, it's not like you're married or anything, there's nothing wrong with going out and just having a bit of fun you know. Live a little. Flirt a little. Maybe even a quick bit of a-”

“I think I shagged John last night.”

“Or a long bit, whatever takes your fancy,” she blurted out quickly, eyes widening. “You did? Wait, you think you did? I don't understand.”

A little embarrassed, Ianto shrugged and winced as he looked at her. “I was really, really drunk, but from what I do remember either we had sex or-”

“Or...?”

“Or I was so drunk I couldn't get it up and passed out in the middle of it.”

Snorting with laughter, Gwen quickly brought her hand up in front of her face and waved it, shaking her head as she tried to control herself. “Oh God, Ianto, I-” Giggling, she tried to keep a straight face but failed miserably, visibly biting her lip as she tried to hold in her laughter. Finally giving in, she laughed out loud, her giggling contagious and setting Ianto off too as he gave in and blushed at the ridiculousness of it all. Shaking his head, he grinned ruefully and held up a hand.

“I did wake up naked, with him in the shower, though.”

“Oh!” Finally managing to get under control, Gwen leaned forwards again, curiosity and maybe a little bit of a voyeuristic interest on her face. “So it looks like you and he did...?”

Shrugging, Ianto let his head fall into his hands and leaned on the table. “I honestly don't know.”

“Can't you,” Gwen hesitated, unsure how to ask such a delicate question. “I mean, can't you, you know, feel it the next morning if you've-”

Chuckling quietly, Ianto raised his eyebrow at her. “Can you always tell?”

“I wouldn't know, I feel like I can barely remember how you do it let alone how it felt,” she said dryly. “But I guess. Anyway, what's the big deal, either you had some fun with a friend or you made a bit of a fool of yourself. Not the end of the world.”

“And if anyone would know the difference it's us,” Ianto added. Taking a sip of his tea, he glanced at the baby monitor and a small smile lit up his face. “So, as I don't know enough to give you any good gossip, how about you tell me how that god daughter of mine is doing?”

“Oh, beautiful as always – and with her dad's lungs and her mum's fondness for being awake at 3am. I think I may be going permanently deaf in one ear.” Yawning widely, Gwen shook her head quickly. “She's not due to wake up for at least an hour, I was just going to grab a quick shower and try to regain some humanity, so if you don't mind amusing yourself for a minute-”

“Tell you what, why don't I listen out for the baby whilst you go have a proper bath, bubbles-” Gwen groaned almost orgasmically and closed her eyes. “-maybe even take a book in.”

“Oh God, a bath, do you know how long it's been?” Shaking her head she opened her eyes again. “I can't, I have too much to do, I need to sterilise those bottles and tidy up the lounge before bloody Grandma Brenda comes over later-” Standing up, Ianto pushed back from the table and headed over to the sink, grabbing the bottles with a practised hand and setting to work stacking up the small steriliser on the side. “Ianto, you don't have to-”

“Gwen, I was crashing on Rhi's couch for a few weeks when she first had David, I know how to handle a steriliser and as for tidying up-” flashing her a grin as she stood up to join him, he raised an eyebrow. “It's what I'm famous for.”

Wrapping her arms around him, Gwen hugged him tight and after a moment he hugged her in reply, suddenly realising how long it had been since he'd been held like that by anyone other than a woman, a friend. Relaxing into the embrace they stayed like that for what felt like a long time before she pulled away, patting his arms gently.

“Right, if you're sure?”

“Positive.”

“Ianto Jones, defender of the Earth, leader of Torchwood and god father extraordinaire, I think I love you.”

“Don't let Rhys hear you say that.” Kissing her forehead softly, he pushed her away with a determined nod. “Bath. Now. Go!”

“Yes sir!” With a salute, Gwen spun around and was off, leaving him with the bottles.

Setting to work, Ianto was grateful for the distraction as he shrugged off his jacket to reveal the t-shirt underneath and the plaster across the inside of his left arm. A bruise was starting to form around it and he sighed, annoyed at his own incompetence with a needle. It had been a very, very long time since he had had to stick himself but at least it had got the job done. And as the tests wouldn't finish running for another hour a little old fashioned manual labour would be just the thing. 

But most of all the look on Gwen's face, no judgement, no pity or disgust, just pure friendship and acceptance was what he had needed the most. What would he do without her?

Setting to work, Ianto promised he would do whatever it took to make sure he never had to find that out as he set about saving not the world but one overtired new mum, the best way he knew how.

One bottle at a time.

***************************************************

John Hart wasn't sure quite when he became aware of someone else's presence, but something, some survival instinct he'd spent a lot of time honing, made him aware he was being watched. Picking up his pace a little, John got off the main street and headed down a side alley, darting into the dead and quiet space between the buildings. He hadn't realised just quite how many of these hideaways tucked into the fabric of Cardiff he'd memorised, but between weevils and random strangers in the night, he must have explored most of them by now.

And whether it was a fight or a fuck that was coming his way now, this place would be fine in either case.

Stepping out of the narrow passageway and into a small courtyard, forgotten and lost between the buildings, John slid to the left of the doorway, concealing himself in shadow, and pulled his gun.

Right on cue, he heard the hurried footfalls that could only be caused by thick soled boots and a man on a mission echoing down the passageway. Definitely someone for him then. Holding very still, John waited until the figure emerged, haste leaving it vulnerable, and quickly pressed the barrel of the blaster against the base of a very familiar skull.

“Tut tut, old man,” John drawled, “you're getting sloppy.” John grinned as Captain Jack Harkness swore loudly, an old Judoon oath, and held up his hands. 

“Hello John.”

Pressing the blaster harder against Jack's head to nudge him forwards, John forced him into the centre of the small courtyard, just a square of grey sky visible above them and most of the tiny windows looking into the confined space sealed and blocked off long ago. They wouldn't be disturbed here.

“Jack. Long time no see.” Chuckling, he pulled the blaster back just a little, cueing Jack to stop, unable to resist eyeing him up and down. “I do like that expression, works well with us, don't you think? Of course, the matter of how long ago we saw each other is a question of timelines. Did I last see you about a year ago, parked outside a warehouse, or about 9 months ago, curled up in our bed, broken and twisted.” He could see the tell-tale tightening of Jack's muscles, preparing to strike, and tutted again, poking the blaster back into Jack's neck. 

“Now, now, Jack, don't do anything stupid.”

“What, like you? Dream on.”

Dragging the blaster down Jack's spine, John looked thoughtful for a moment. “Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing, helping you out, changing time, fixing you. You weren't all bad like that, all needy and ripe, just begging me to hurt you in all the right ways.” Pressing the blaster against a spot he had a vivid memory of plunging a knife into during one particularly violent session, his voice grew softer in contemplation. “But then again, if I hadn't, young eye candy wouldn't have been alive today, and that is something I am most definitely pleased about right now-”

He saw it coming, the flinch through Jack's body that told of his moves, and John brought the blaster back in close to his body quickly as Jack spun round, his hand reaching for the empty air where it had been. He could see the anger and fury and passion in Jack's eyes and found himself grinning even as strong hands wrapped around his wrist and barged him up against the wall, knocking the air out of him and making a loud snap as the blaster hit the brickwork.

“You stay away from him!”

Oh, yes, this was the Jack he remembered.

Laughing, John grappled with him for the blaster before tossing it aside, settling for slamming his fist into Jack's impressive jaw instead. The impact sent a ripple of pain through his hand but that was nothing compared to the way Jack reeled from the blow, looking almost shocked at the force of it before bouncing back, a powerful punch to John's ribs making him gasp out his breath and cutting his laugh short.

“Touchy today, aren't we, Jack?” Feigning breathlessness to make Jack lower his guard, John kicked out, slamming his foot into Jack's knee and sending him crashing to the floor. “What's the matter, did you get up on the wrong side of someone's bed this morning? Course, with the bed I was in last night there was no wrong side, just right, right, righ-”

He missed the flash as Jack's leg swiped out across the floor, knocking his ankles out from under him and sending him hurtling down onto the damp concrete, the impact sending a jolt through his body that he could feel in his spine. 

“You never could stay on your feet for long, could you John,” Jack breathed heavily.

Laughing it off, John jumped up easily to crouch low, Jack rising stiffly from the floor opposite him warily. 

“What's the matter Jack, you're out of shape! Too much time in zero gee, or have you just gotten too used to being down on your knees.” Rising to his feet, John watched as Jack did the same, brushing the back of his hand against his lip and spotting the tell tale line of blood there. “Speaking of being on his knees-” 

He never got the chance to finish, grinning at the look of sheer fury on Jack's face as John found himself being slammed up against the wall again, Jack's body almost crushing him against the brickwork as a fist embedded itself in his side again. If it wasn't so bloody hard to fight with a hard on, John would have let himself enjoy the situation, but settled instead for laughing as Jack shifted to press a forearm against his throat threateningly.

“What the hell happened between you and Ianto?” Jack snarled, his knee rising between John's legs and pinning him in place.

“Oh come on big boy,” John said breathlessly, the arm too tight on his throat for any power in his voice, “don't you think you should take this up with the missus instead?”

“I'm asking YOU!”

“Right,” John laughed, pushing back against Jack, shoving him away just a little before Jack slammed them both back against the wall again, his free arm grabbing John's hair tight. Eyes wide with the pain, John gasped but more with pleasure than fear. “Like you're gonna believe a word I say anyway.” 

Raising an eyebrow questioningly, John stared Jack down as he carried on very slowly, in a tone suggesting he was pointing out the obvious to someone very slow. “If I tell you nothing happened you'll think I'm lying, if I tell you we've been at it like bloody bunnies ever since you buggered off you'll think I'm lying, so seriously, ask lover boy because at least him you might believe.”

“He...” Jack trailed off, looking lost for a moment, and John suddenly realised that maybe the truth was the last thing Jack actually wanted to hear after all. Curious. Another push into the wall, Jack's knee painfully tight between John's legs now, marked Jack's focus returning totally to John. “I need to hear it from you.”

“Ahh I see.” Sighing softly, John relaxed his body, as though trying to work out what to say, and caught the reflexive relaxing in Jack's body mirroring him, Jack's grip loosening just a little, his knee lowering-

Slamming his head forward, John head butted Jack in a punishing blow that made them both wince but, more importantly, made Jack let go and stagger backwards, his hands rising to protect his head as John followed it up with another punch, on the offensive again.

“Does it really matter either way?” John asked breathlessly, staring Jack down as he slipped in another blow to his ribs before bodily tackling him, his arms wrapped around Jack's waist and throwing him back into the other wall, the impact making them both gasp. “You weren't exactly living like a priest I'll bet, so what does it matter if he was tempted?”

“It matters,” Jack snarled, punching hard down onto John's back with every syllable, clubbing John hard and forcing him to retreat again, his arms blocking every blow as best he could as Jack began pummelling him with punches. John could feel the shock of the impacts reverberating up his forearms and making his bad shoulder sting. Damn he was getting too old for this. 

“He's....” Jack gasped between blows, using John like a punching bag and not really seeing anything but the target ahead of him. “And you're...”

“Oh for goodness sake,” John breathed and jumped back before letting go with a vicious kick to Jack's stomach that sent him crashing back into the wall. A couple more kicks to his body gave John his payback, waiting until Jack was doubled over in pain before he stepped back, hands held up defensively but giving Jack space for a moment. 

Breathing hard, John looked down at his former partner as though seeing him for the first time. “Do you love the kid?”

“That's a stupid question,” Jack spat back angrily, his hands clutching his sides tightly.

“Not to him it isn't and that's the whole bloody point!” John shouted back, raising his hands up as though imploring the heavens for help dealing with this idiot. “Do you love him or don't you, Jack?!” 

“That's none of your business.”

“Oh don't you dare try and pull that crap Jack,” John spat back, kicking out again and forcing Jack to shrink back a little against the wall, as though trying to draw strength from it. “I've seen the creature you became when he died, I know how much you care for that kid, so lie to him all you like, even lie to yourself if that's the only way you can get through this but just for once Jack, just one time in all of time, don't fucking lie to me!”

“I...” Jack slumped to the ground, his will to fight fading and John suddenly believed Jack really was as old as he was rumoured to be. He waited, still and a little confused at the sight - but even more so at him own reaction to it. He felt... pity. “It doesn't matter what I want,” Jack whispered hoarsely, his anger spent for now and melancholy despair settling over him like a shroud. “If I try to stay... There is no way this can work out, I don't get to have that, ever, and if I let him go then maybe, just maybe, he still could-”

“Bullshit.” John said, crouching down opposite Jack and starting to feel the aches in his body that were going to be serious bruises in just a short while. Damn, it hurt but he'd really missed this. He already knew this could only end one of two ways; with one of them dead or one of them well and truly screwed. He just hoped if it was the latter, it would be the literal sense. 

“Jack, if you really wanted to let him go, you would have, just like you left all the rest of us behind. You would have said goodbye and never come back, spent a hundred years in the stars instead of one. But instead, you're here.” Picking up his dropped blaster, John slid it back into its holster and shook his head sadly as he pushed back up to his feet again. “You're a bloody coward Jack, too afraid to take a chance and enjoy the kid whilst you can, but too afraid to let him go either.”

“You don't know anything, when did you ever love anyone but yourself-”

John stepped forward and kicked out hard again, right into Jack's stomach and winding him, making him gasp and try to push up the wall again. “You sanctimonious prick, you really think I did all this, changed time itself, just on a whim? I did it for you!” he shouted, reaching down and dragging Jack up to his feet, shaking him and pushing him back against the wall, his head banging off the brickwork. “You're the only one I ever gave a damn about, and what did I do? I let you go, I had you all to myself and let it all go because you needed more than I could give, because you love him not me! Because the only way for you to be happy was to not be with me...”

John broke off, letting go of Jack and stepping back, almost confused as to what he was doing. Blowing out a shaky breath, he shoved Jack once more, but more out of a desire for space than to fight. “You're an idiot, Jack.”

“I...” Jack swallowed hard, looking almost as lost as John, and reached out. “I'm sorry.”

“Don't be.” John forced a grin onto his face and shrugged, hands on his hips. “I got over you a long time ago, Captain Jack Harkness. But my point is, if you care about him that much, what the hell are you doing here wasting time with me? Why the fuck aren't you with him right now, showing him how much you've missed him, rather than here with me arguing the toss about some bloody night when you weren't even here to be cheated on!”

“So there was a night!” Jack shouted, rage flashing in his eyes again.

“Oh for... You want to know, Jack? You really want to know exactly what depraved things I did to your precious little eye candy?” he challenged, holding out his hands as though beckoning Jack to punch him again. “Right, come on then, make yourself comfy, 'cause its a cracker.” He paused, a wicked grin on his face as he decided what he was going to do. 

“But the trick is, Captain, I'm going to tell you two versions, and it's up to you which one you believe. So come on Jack, just how good are you at reading me? Just how good a liar am I? And which one do you want to be true?” Stalking closer, he grabbed Jack's wrists and pushed him up against the wall, almost daring Jack to break free, saying without words that if Jack did he would never get to hear what he was after, but also offering him a way to make it all stop if he had heard enough.

John lowered his voice to a whisper and leaned in close enough to smell Jack, the scent so familiar and reminding him of Talarian spice and gunpowder and sending a shiver straight through his spine. “I got him nice and drunk, and I took him home, back to his flat and that nice big bed of his.” He saw the twitch of anger on Jack's face and tightened his grip on Jack's wrists in warning. “It's new you know, all his stuff is, a nice big bed you've never even had the chance to fuck him in yet, but don't worry mate, we broke it in for you.” 

The snarl on Jack's face as he listened was beautiful, the way it made his eyes flash with hatred just too delicious. John had the sudden urge to drag him off somewhere, to tie him down and use him for a few days just to see that glare, just to have his fill of that anger before letting him go back to Ianto. It would be a truly beautiful hell...

Instead, he smirked as he leaned forward and let his lips ghost over Jack's ear, his voice quiet enough to make Jack have to strain to hear him. 

“I made him ask me to fuck him, before I even touched him. I made him beg. Do you know how gorgeous he looks when he's desperate?” John slammed Jack's wrists back against the wall at another surge of resistance and chuckled. “I stripped him and laid him out and then I fucked him, every way I could think of and then some. I marked him and made him mine __.”

Jack snarled and John shushed him softly, nipping at his ear with sharp teeth. “Do you want to hear or not? Do you believe me yet Jack, or do you need to hear more?” Silence gave him his answer as Jack relaxed a little again. 

Content, John continued unable to keep the grin out of his voice or off his face. “I said to him all the nasty things he needed to hear, I was rough and hard on him, I gave him everything he needed to come so hard, without any memories of you getting in the way, just him, and me, and lust.” 

Pulling back, he stared into Jack's eyes and embraced the hatred he saw flashing there, the fire that kept Jack burning brighter than the stars. It sustained him a hell of a lot better than despair did, and John smiled softly at the sight before stoking those fires further.

“I bent him and stretched him and made him scream so hard his neighbours were giving me foul looks when I left the next morning,” he purred, letting go of Jack's wrists and sliding his dirty fingers along Jack's sleeves and up to his face to hold his head tenderly, feeling the play of Jack's grinding teeth under his palms. “I made him forget all about you for one blinding moment and I made it hurt in all the right ways. And he enjoyed it.”

Leaning in close, he pressed his lips to Jack's, forcing his way into Jack's mouth and distracting himself with the kiss for a second too long, forgetting about Jack's hands, not feeling the way Jack's body shifted until he found himself shoved away, hard. Laughing as a fist impacted with his jaw, John fell backwards and collapsed onto the floor, staring up at Jack with a grin. 

“You're lying.”

“Perhaps. Then maybe you'll like this version of what I did better? What do you say Jack, you want to hear the alternative?”

Dusting his hands off, John sat on the damp floor of the dirty courtyard and stared up at Jack, his smile fading and a sneer on his face as Jack looked down at him in disgust, his inaction all the cue John needed to continue. “You want to know what really happened Jack?” John shrugged and almost rolled the reply off his tongue, stretching it out like it was a song rather than a word. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Between bruises, battered bones, alcohol and sheer exhaustion the kid passed out on me before I got anywhere.” 

John caught the flash of surprise and hope on Jack's face and wondered if Jack would ever really find out the truth - or if he even cared. Shrugging again, John settled his back against the wall and rested his hands on his bent knees, running a thumb over his sore jaw. 

“I got a snog and a quick grope and a solo wank in his bathroom and that's it. I got him to his room, I got him undressed, I put him to bed then I sat up watching TV all night because those bloody drugs that place that calls itself a hospital gave me upset my stomach, and you know how I get when I'm bloated.” Spitting a mouthful of blood and saliva into the dust, he ran his tongue along his teeth and winced before sucking more blood from his broken lip. “There,” he asked Jack bitterly, “you happy now?”

“Nothing happened?” Jack said, not quite ready to believe it but at the same time there was an edge of hope to his voice that maybe, just maybe, it was true.

“Maybe, maybe not.” Rising to his feet, John stalked his way closer, keeping just out of range of Jack's fists as he touched his lip again. “Or, just maybe, there's another explanation.” Lowering his voice, he tilted his head to the side as he regarded Jack coldly, unable to resist one last twist of the knife. “Maybe he really has been loyal to you all along and would never willingly give himself to anyone.” Folding his arms across his chest, he raised one eyebrow, inviting Jack to join the dots.

“Maybe I didn't just fuck him last night,” he whispered, stepping closer and pleased to watch Jack step back, as though afraid of him and what he might be saying. Fear instead of hatred, how curious. Fear was a good look for Jack too, the sight making John almost want to groan as he whispered seductively, even though the words were ones that would never bring pleasure - to Jack at least. 

“Maybe,” John drawled, “I put my gun against his head and forced him to his knees.” Holding out his hand he rubbed his fingertips together almost as though counting money. “Maybe I held his hair so tight between my fingers he was crying from the pressure of it as the strands pulled out - or then again the tears might have been from the force of my cock against his throat...”

“No!”

Jumping back out of Jack's range as fists lashed out at him blindly, John pulled his blaster quickly, aiming at Jack's heart and making him stop dead in his tracks. “Hey, hey there Captain Courageous, you wanted to hear, well you're going to listen.” Grinning, he twisted his hand to the side, raising his aim to Jack's throat. “Maybe I put this very gun into his mouth afterwards, let him taste the metal as I made him strip for me and tied his wrists together with his own tie.”

“Shut up.”

“Maybe I threw him down on to the bed and forced his legs apart, dragging my gun down his spine as I slid into him.”

“Stop it!” 

“Hey, you know it's been almost a year Jack, have you any idea just how sweet and tight that kid was-”

“You're lying!”

“Maybe I am,” John admitted, shrugging it off. “Or maybe I just keep retconning the kid so he doesn't remember and I've been doing it all year. Maybe there's a scar, just at the back of his neck, that's all me, my teeth digging into his skin over and over and over...”

“Enough!” Jack screamed at last, stepping forward close enough that the gun pressed against his neck. “Tell me the truth!”

“Up to you Jack, you never could tell when I was lying so what's it to be?” John taunted. “Did I fuck him or not? Did he enjoy it or not? Did he want it or did I force him? Will he tell you he doesn't remember anything because of the alcohol or because I drugged him?” Pausing, he stepped back again, giving Jack just enough room to tempt him to go for it, to fight him again and give in to the rage that was all too evident in every muscle of his body. “Or,” he added carelessly, “is it because he does remember and he just won't want to admit it to you. Doesn't want to admit how I made him feel, how good it was-”

Jack lunged forwards, screaming his rage and intent on killing John as John pulled the trigger without hesitation.

John watched dispassionately as Jack fell to the floor, blood pouring from the side of his head. Using his foot to roll him over, John looked down at Jack's slack face and crouched down beside him. Dragging a fingertip across Jack's lips, he regarded his temporarily dead ex partner and smiled softly.

“Good to have you back, Jack.” Taking a moment to loosen Jack's belt just a notch and untuck one side of his shirt, he grinned to himself as he stood up again. Nothing quite like leaving them wondering.

Whistling to himself as he holstered his blaster, he wondered just how long it really would take Jack to revive and find Ianto. Probably best if he went straight there.

Just in case.

****************************************

Ianto sat down on his sofa and stared unseeingly at the TV screen, the local news doing its best to come up with something beyond 'some windows broke' to describe the latest incident in the city. In his hand, a sheet of paper was being twisted and rolled up into a ball before being smoothed out so he could glare at it before screwing it up again. At least he knew. He could at least try and take some solace in that. He could hear the click of the washing machine finishing in the kitchen, the flat becoming quieter as the frantic spinning stopped.

He really should sort the washing out.

Instead, Ianto smoothed out the paper yet again and read the complicated lines of numbers before focusing on the small list of comprehensible words on the page. Negative. Negative. Positive. At least he knew. And he had no one to blame but himself.

A banging at his door made Ianto jump and hastily screw up the paper yet again, pushing the lump into his pocket and standing up, looking round the flat for anything that shouldn't be there before hurrying to the door. Forcing his politest smile onto his face he undid the latch, hoping it wasn't Mrs Stevenson at 205 complaining about the noise again or asking if he'd seen her cat that had been dead for at least a month already.

Instead, the door opened on a red and black blur of motion that pushed past him without a word. “Great, just what I needed.” Flicking his eyes up to heavens quickly, Ianto muttered to himself. “Thanks a lot.” Pushing the door closed he quickly followed his unexpected visitor. “John, what on Earth are you doing here and what the hell happened to you?” Ianto frowned as John Hart sauntered around Ianto's flat, a hand to his face and a huge black eye starting to form.

“What this?” John pulled his hand down and Ianto could see a split lip to join it, and a cut across his cheek. “Just a love bite. But nice to know you care.”

“Shut it John, I'm not in the mood. And that's a no to a rematch too.”

“Your loss kid.” John pushed past him into the kitchen and started rummaging through Ianto's fridge. “Don't suppose you have any ice? Ooo cucumber, now that's a vegetable with possibilities-”

Slamming the fridge door shut, narrowly missing John's fingers, Ianto slid in front of it and lifted his hand to John's face, tilting his chin up to see the damage better. “You need more than ice by the looks of it. Possibly stitches.”

Shrugging away from the touch, John shook his head and leaned back against the kitchen table. “Ice will do, but I wouldn't say no to some scotch to go with it.”

Blowing out a heavy breath, Ianto turned around and opened the freezer section, grabbing a couple of ice cube trays. He went rigid as he felt John lean in behind him, looking over his shoulder. He tried not to react as John reached out past him but winced as John grabbed a small round container from the icy space that really did need defrosting. “What is this? Frozen lube?! Damn, should have tried some of that last night-”

Elbowing him backwards, Ianto ignored him and threw the ice cube trays onto the table. “Help yourself, just don't expect me to join in.” He grabbed a clean tea towel and tossed it onto the table too, leaning against the worktop as John slid into a chair and began emptying the ice into the towel. “Why are you here John?”

Smiling tiredly, John tied the ends of the towel and pulled the pack of ice up to his face, resting it against his cheek and wincing at the chill. “Needed somewhere to get fixed up and couldn't go to Johnson's whilst she's recuperating, her boys would lynch me. And I figured an organised sort like you, with such a well stocked bedside drawer, would have an equally full first aid kit.”

“John, about last night-”

“Hey, don't stress it.” John shrugged and leaned back in the chair, putting his booted feet up onto the table. “You were drunk and out of practice, it's to be expected-”

“John!” Ianto took a deep breath and blew it out again, exasperated. “Look, I was... I didn't...” Pulling out a chair, he slid into it opposite John and grabbed the empty ice cube trays, fiddling with them unnecessarily. “I'd rather no one heard about it. I just... I'm supposed to be in charge and I'm not Jack, I can't get away with doing the staff like he did.”

“Look, Eye Candy, I'm not gonna pretend last night was anything special to me or was some big revelation and I want to 'go steady' with you or some crap like that. And I don't go around kissing and tellin'” At Ianto's snort of disbelief, he grinned. “Okay, but I don't name drop. But if you're trying to stop a particular someone finding out, you might be a little late mate.”

Ianto frowned and leaned forward on the table. “What do you mean?”

Taking the ice off his face, John grinned lopsidedly and shrugged. “I mean, who do you think hates me enough to bother doing this?” Putting the ice pack back again, he winced. “Your boyfriend's back and I'm in big trouble.”

Ianto could feel all the blood draining away from his face and he was grateful he was sitting down. The ice cube tray he'd been playing with slid across the table and onto the floor unnoticed. “Jack...”

“Is back in town. And looking for you, Eye Candy.” Touching his swelling eye gingerly, he sighed. “But he found me instead. And yeah, he knows I went after you last night.”

“What... What did you tell him?” Ianto asked quickly, his voice breaking slightly.

“I told him the truth,” John said simply and put the pack down again. “And I also told him the exact opposite. And then I told him something else entirely.” Shrugging, he stared at Ianto. “I figured he can believe what he wants to believe.”

“You told him... John, what...” Ianto hadn't been this flustered in ages, probably not since Martha had told him about Jack's red hat idea or he had come out to his sister. Taking a deep breath, he tried not to feel fifteen again and remember who he was. “What happened last night? I don't remember much-”

“I'm trying not to feel insulted here.”

“I'm serious.”

Sighing, John leaned back in his chair, rocking on the two back legs as he pushed back from the table a little. “Does it really make any difference at all?”

Looking down at his fingers, Ianto shrugged. “I guess not.”

“Good.” A small smile played over John's lips as he casually continued. “Oh, how were the results of your blood test?”

“Negative for retcon, rohypnol and pois-” Ianto looked up quickly, a flush over his face as he realised John had tricked him into replying. “I just- It's not that I don't trust you-”

“Bollocks do you, hell even I don't trust me, why should you.” Putting the ice pack back over his face, John leaned back in the chair. “Waking up unable to remember stuff, I'd be disappointed if you hadn't checked yourself out. Especially after a night in my company, I've got a history after all.”

“Yes,” Ianto admitted, pulling the screwed up piece of paper from his pocket and smoothing it out again, offering it to John who glanced at it lazily. “There was nothing untoward in my system. Admittedly, that could have been because I seem to have swapped most of my blood supply for neat vodka last night...”

Laughing, John tilted his head back and rested the pack on his cheek, letting his hand holding the paper drop into his lap. “You really were wasted. Was hard enough getting into your pants as it was without you trying to help and nearly taking my eye out with your-”

“Oh god.” Ianto dropped his head to the table and closed his eyes. “I remember that.”

“You want me to jog your memory some more?”

“No! Just...” rocking his head from side to side Ianto groaned deeply. “Fuck.”

“Maybe later.” Ianto didn't bother to look up, merely tossing John the finger as he recovered his wits. “Look, kid, he's back in town and looking for you. Only thing is, I don't think he knows how to find you, that's why he came after me. It's not like you left a forwarding address at the Hub and I know none of the flats are registered in real names-”

“If anyone asks I'm Matt Matthews,” Ianto mumbled into the table.

“- and the offices aren't exactly advertising themselves as secret lair. No hollowed out volcano, no factory full of oompa loompas-”

Ianto looked up and frowned. “Seriously John, when you vanish for days on end, do you just go lock yourself in a hotel room and watch old movies or something?”

“Would you rather I said I roam the country finding impressionable young girls and boys to seduce?”

Ianto shrugged and ran a hand over his face tiredly, feeling the scratch of stubble against his palm. “Somehow I find it easier to picture than you with a big bowl of popcorn watching James Bond.”

“Sean Connery was the best,” John smirked, making Ianto laugh. “But, as I was saying though, my point is... Jack doesn't know where you are. He can't track you down because on most official records Ianto Jones doesn't exist. Hell he won't even know where that hideous family of yours have moved to-”

“Watch it, or I'll set Rhi on you again.”

Grinning at a memory, John looked up at the ceiling and shifted the ice pack on his jaw. “I do like a feisty woman, but I draw the line at her. Hell of a right hook.” Looking at Ianto again, his smile faded. “And stop trying to change the subject. Jack's in town, he's looking for you, he can't find you or Gwen except through us lot and we aren't going to tell him where you are. I even turned this thing off” he said, indicating his wrist strap, “so he can't trace me here.” Dropping the ice pack and paper back onto the table, he leaned forward. “So, you're in charge. It's up to you if or when or where you want to see him.”

When Ianto didn't answer, John frowned and lowered his head a little more, trying to figure out what Ianto was thinking. “You do want to see him, don't you?”

“Of course,” Ianto snapped, half irritably.

“Yeah, you really sound like it.”

“Oh fuck off John.”

Laughing, John leaned back in his chair and grabbed the ice pack again, pulling it up to his face to give Ianto a break. “Whatever you say love. Look, whatever you decide you know everyone will go along with it. So, do you really want to see him?”

Blowing out a long breath, Ianto nodded. “More than ever. I just don't know what I'm going to say when I do.” Tapping his fingers on the table, he stared into space. “How did he look?”

“Honestly?” Ianto nodded and John smiled slightly. “Gorgeous as ever. Bastard.”

“Figures.”

John watched as Ianto self consciously brought his fingers up to brush over his scar. The kid had certainly changed some since John had first seen him and it had to be preying on his mind. The thought that Jack would never change, would one day look younger than Ianto, was almost too weird to imagine. Although he had to admit, he wouldn't mind seeing it. He had a feeling Ianto would look good older.

And John wasn't exactly averse to the older man idea either. But, bringing his attention back to the old man in question, he shrugged.

“Look, he is desperate to see you. That gives you the upper hand. And you get to choose when and where you want to do this. His balls are well and truly in your court. So, up to you kid.”

Ianto sighed heavily and leaned on the table, as though trying to draw strength from the wood. “For ex Time Agents, you both have the worst timing ever, you know that right?” Laughing, John nodded and waited silently. “You can get a message to him?” A nod in reply made Ianto nod to himself and blow out a shaky breath. “The Norwegian Church. 6 o'clock.”

Nodding for a final time, John pushed back from the table and stood, throwing the used ice pack into the sink as he looked down at the hunched form. “You want any back up?”

Laughing hollowly, Ianto looked up and John almost winced at the pain he could see in those eyes. “It's Jack, not a rabid Weevil. I can handle him.”

“Yeah. Oh, almost forgot,” John added, digging through his pocket and pulling out Ianto's phone, “you dropped this on the stairs last night. I shoved it in my pocket whilst carrying you but didn't realise I still had it. Figure you might want it tonight. If you need me later, for anything, just call.”

“That's great, thanks,” Ianto said, taking the phone and flicking through a long list of missed calls including a couple from a UNIT number. No, no way way he dealing with them right now. Deleting the call log, he slipped the phone back into his jeans pocket and smiled up at John. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Any of it.” Forcing a smile onto his face, John hid his unexpected worry about the whole situation the best way he knew how. “So, just in case you two do get back together, you wanna have one more freebie before-”

The begrudging smile and outstretched finger letting him know exactly what Ianto thought of that idea was enough to reassure John and let him turn around and leave. As he pulled the door closed after him, he took care to wait until he had cleared not just the flat but the whole street before he reactivated his wrist strap. As promised, he sent the simple instruction then turned the thing off again, not really fancying another pounding right now. 

Maybe later though, depending on how things went between Jack and Ianto... 

Whichever way it turned out, he could use it to his advantage, he always found a way. Whether the pair got back together or drifted apart, John would still wind up on top, hopefully literally. After all, that had been the plan all along, to get his Jack back - or failing that, have some fun with eye candy. And whatever happened to them tonight, both of those options were still possible.

But as he walked away, John suddenly realised he no longer knew which of the possible outcomes he was really rooting for.

***************************************

Captain John Hart smiled coldly as he let himself into the Torchwood offices, not bothering to put on the main lights and instead settling for a couple of the poseable desk lamps. He only needed enough light to see and besides, he hated 21st century strip lighting. Sometimes a softer lighting was much more flattering.

Not to mention easier to hide in.

Shrugging off his jacket to reveal a short sleeved grey t shirt underneath he hung it up just inside the door before making his way over to a small row of metal lockers. They were reminiscent of those American teen movies he'd tried to watch once or twice but gave up on. Jocks and cheerleaders and the brainy kids, it was just too ridiculous and more of those stupid labels. This century seemed obsessed with them.

Placing his hand flat against the locker, John hollowed his cheeks in amusement as, with a soft click, the system granted him access.

Hanging in the dark were his larger gun holsters, much more him than the discreet under jacket one he'd been forced to switch to. His sword was beside them and John smiled at it all like an old friend as he pulled it clear, placing it on a desk with a gentleness he usually reserved for shy virgins, just begging to be plucked.

Actually, that was one label he didn't mind in this century, especially the way these kids all seemed so keen to lose it. It was nothing like his experience of growing up.

For all the 51st century had extremely liberal ideas about sex, on his world it had also elevated the status of virginity and the sheer importance of how special that first time should be to a level of reverence more usually reserved for religious spectacles and ancient sacrifices. To choose to stay pure until passing the rights of adulthood was venerated as a sign of great wisdom and maturity and considered a good omen for a long and happy life.

Those who strayed were not punished, merely pitied, as though they lacked strength and willpower. To John it had always seemed strange. In this century, those who succumbed to the temptation to eat too much or drink too much or take drugs were condemned as weak and looked down upon for it whilst those who sought their pleasures in the flesh were viewed as heroes, studs or confident.

Same weakness, same need for love or pleasure or release but very different outcomes. It always confused him the way this century worked. It was definitely a very fucked up time in which to live. But the taboos, oh, they only made it that much more fun.

In John's past, this world future, a virgin's first time was not a fumbled or awkward fling, there was no sneaking into bedrooms or drunken kisses. Instead it was a matter of great solemnity, of teaching and preparation and studying the intricacies of sex at the hands of both a master and a mistress. 

It was a ritual that could take days of preparation and last for many hours, until the initiate was well and truly versed in as many aspects of their sexuality as they were interested in exploring. They would walk in a child but emerge an adult, confident in their own body and its capabilities and ready to share them – or not, celibacy was also deeply respected as a lifestyle choice – with whoever them chose.

John unsheathed his sword, checking the blade and performing a few practice swings through the air as he remember his own first time. He had undertaken his training, emerging from it a full week later, his instructors finally sending him on his way claiming there was nothing more he could be taught. It had been an incredible experience and probably the closest John had ever come to truly believing in any sort of deity.

Of course, whilst he had patiently waited years for his initiation, once finished he had continued his education in a slightly more... traditional manner.

In an era where very little was considered taboo, to be sent to rehab and labelled a deviant before he had even reached thirty was certainly an achievement. Back then – or should it be forward then, he always hated temporal language puzzles – trying to seduce a virgin and deny them the right to choose their teachers in the accepted fashion was a serious offence.

But here, seducing a virgin was just considered sport.

As he slid the sword back into its sheathe, John reflected that the only downside of this century was that without anyone else having had the same sort of background he had had he was never able to find a true equal among these humans, could never meet a lover who knew how to stimulate all 15 Aluran pleasure points in sequence. Although, if he was honest, even in the 51st century he had only even had one equal.

Jack.

Glancing at the clock, John slid his sword onto the desk and dragged one of the small group of comfortable chairs from the technicians' break area to in front of the giant screen. Sitting himself in front of it, he opened his wrist strap and tapped into the local CCTV network. Flicking through the images, he easily found the one he wanted overlooking the area in front of the Norwegian church.

Right on cue, he spotted Jack move into shot and perch at one of the benches. So predictable. “Good evening Captain.” Whilst the CCTV may not have sound, the upgrade he had added to Ianto's phone earlier should do the trick nicely once he arrived. Primitive technologies, it was so simple to twist them to his own uses he was almost bored of it now. Maybe it was time to move on again, or at least get a decent con going...

A soft clink behind him made him turn his head, quickly spotting the source of the sound; one of the blobs jars was rocking a little as the blob swirled around inside. “You want to watch too huh?” Grinning, John swung his way up from the chair and grabbed the jar, bringing it back over to the chair and securing it between his thighs as he reached into it. He barely watched as the blob slid happily into his palm, John's attention on the screen, but he smiled as an almost iridescent sheen of colours swept rapidly over its surface.

John knew full well none of the others had managed to get a reaction quite like that out of the blobs but that had a very simple explanation really; nobody but him (and possibly Jack) would ever really consider a blob of goo sexually attractive.

“Their loss,” John muttered to himself as he let the blob slide up his arm and, as he spotted Ianto on the edge of the screen, settled down to enjoy the show.

 

*********************************************

He was early.

Ianto froze as he spotted Jack sat outside the church, the sight half expected and half dreaded, the sheer familiarity of it sending a thrill through him. Ianto moved slowly, straightening up as he turned the corner but just stood and watched the man he had waited for for so long, the man he had hoped to see every single day, had pictured standing there, just like that, so many times. He had imagined what they would say, how he would react, how they would end up, and now-

Ianto held his hands by his side and simply watched as Jack stood up again and began to pace, his coat flaring out behind him. Jack looked exactly the same. Even the coat looked more like his original one and less like the stiff imitation Ianto had quite literally begged, borrowed and stolen to get. The lines fitted him better, the creases around his elbows were more settled and worn into familiar grooves rather than being forced into place. He could see the slight traces of dirt on the hem where Jack had let the coat drag across the ground, making Ianto picture long grass or muddy fields and Jack running across them, heroic as always.

Heroic? No, there was something missing in his stance, in the way he carried himself. Outwardly Jack looked just the same, but maybe something had changed after all. Or maybe that was just the way Ianto was seeing him now.

Ianto had seen the worst of Jack, faced the truth of just what he was capable of, of the horror he kept bottled up inside. And somehow he knew it was just the very surface of it. It wasn't personal, wasn't something that Ianto should be afraid of, he was still Jack.

And yet the image of John, battered and bruised, flashed before his eyes. He knew there would be more to it than that, that John would have given as good as he got - and, judging by the dark smudge on Jack's collar, he had probably even played dirty too - but Ianto suddenly realised just how long it had been since he and Jack had last seen each other.

He couldn't help wondering, if Jack hadn't forced him to carry on, hadn't helped him to remember who he was, what would Ianto have been like a year after Lisa's death? He could still remember the pain and darkness, but in the way he remembered a nightmare, the sensation lessened by time and the cool breeze on his face, pinning him to reality. He had had to live, day by day, minute by minute, just carrying on without her. And after he...

After Steven. In his darkest hours, unable to face the truth of what he had become, his sister had helped pull him through. And Gwen, and the kids- And Martha. Ianto pushed aside the brief flash of guilt and tried to hold still, resisting the urge to duck back behind the church as Jack half turned his way. If he just looked-

Distracted by something, probably someone walking along the path by the water, Jack turned away again and Ianto blew out a breath he hadn't even realised he was holding. He couldn't work out quite why he was so afraid. It was just Jack.

But after a year apart, after the grief and pain and even realising just how much he himself had changed in that time, Ianto couldn't help wondering just who he was about to meet.

Taking a deep breath, and forcing himself to step forward, he tried to console himself with one thought. No matter how this went, no matter how much it hurt or what the outcome was, at least he would know, at least he could actually do something rather than helplessly wondering when it was all going to end.

At least the waiting was over. 

******************************

Jack could barely feel the chill breeze on his skin. His open coat was funnelling the draught straight along his back but he didn't care as he paced, watching the bay closely, anticipating that Ianto would come from the Hub.

Or what was left of it. He'd tried to get down there earlier, in his hunt for Ianto, only to find the door locked and unyielding to his demands. His codes were gone and he had been locked out.

Just how many locks had Ianto changed?

He couldn't keep still, alternating between sitting down and walking, unable to settle to anything for too long. This was stupid, why was he so nervous? It was just Ianto.

Except it wasn't. Martha's cautious reports had hinted that Ianto had grown harder, stronger, yet was still so fragile underneath, like a hair trigger waiting to explode. He had had to deal with so much over the past year, the loss of the closest thing he had to a home, the danger to his family-

Becoming a murderer.

Shivering, Jack tried not to remember how hard it had been for him to come back from the dark creature he had once been himself, the monster John had once known, the one he had almost felt returning that afternoon at the thought of-

Shying away from the mental image, Jack suddenly felt the cold around him and shuddered strongly, finally pulling his hands from his pockets to button his coat, needing the heat, needing to stay warm. After all, who knew how long he would be waiting.

Assuming Ianto even came. Ianto had supposedly sent the message but that could just have been to get him out of the way, to keep him pinned down. It might even have just been John, some sick joke. There was no guarantee Ianto would come. There was no guarantee Ianto would even want to see him. He might be watching him even now, sitting in some warm office smiling at the CCTV with John, laughing at that the great idiot that was Captain Jack-

Jack tried not to give in to the fear in his chest, pushing the thought away. It had only been a year, not that much could have changed really.

Could it?

He had been so sure Ianto would be okay without him, that he was doing the right thing by leaving, but suddenly Jack couldn't help wondering, the right thing for who? 

For Alice? Maybe. She still hated him, but the fire was dulled; everything about her was somehow less bright, less the fiery child he had once fought to a standstill over her choice of husband. She had thrown him out for that, banned him from her wedding and her life. She had only really started to forgive him after her mother was dead. And after the rat of a husband had proved his true colours of course.

The rat. He'd known from the start of course, had seen it in his eyes, seen the wandering gaze and had tried to warn her about her fiancé. She hadn't listened of course, and the way she had treated him when he'd tried to explain how he just knew...

Takes one to know one.

She'd had his measure even then, when she had been even younger than Ianto was now, just a child really and she had seen right through him. She had loved him as her father but she had hated him just as violently.

Now she just existed. At least, she had when he had left. He'd finally realised that this wasn't something he could fix, that he would never be enough for her. She needed, she deserved, help from people who would really be there for her, who would love her and never, ever, hurt her again.

Even the rat bastard ex husband had been better at that than Jack.

Jack could have come back right then, months ago, have come back to Ianto and helped him through it instead. He could have faced up to his responsibilities, to another life ruined because of Captain Jack Bloody Harkness - 

Instead he had run away. 

But now he was back, he finally felt strong enough to do this, strong enough to return and face up to his responsibilities, strong enough to feel something other than pain and grief and lust again. He wanted something more, something deeper, something he had lost a long time ago.

But had he left it too late? Was there anything left here for him now?

A flicker of movement at the corner of his eye, just a vague shadow, suddenly caught his attention and Jack turned, a smile lighting up his face as he recognised the figure then fading a little in shock at the sight. 

Ianto...

He'd changed so much. Jack had been worried about what was inside Ianto but suddenly it was more obvious than that just how out of touch he really was. Jack had had an image of Ianto in his head for so long and it had never occurred to him that it might not match reality any more. The scar on Ianto's cheek was pale in the evening light, cutting across his features and making him look older than his years. Except that he really was older now. 

He'd finally grown into his face, all the slimness of his youth burned away and replaced with firmer lines, the softness that had occasionally made him look younger than he was had almost gone completely now. In spite of the clothes being so similar to the ones he had worn the very first night they'd met, Ianto wasn't the youth he had been then or even the man he had been when Jack had left. Sometime in the past year he had changed. He'd grown up.

And, judging by the faint shadow of a black eye marring his right eye, it had been a rough journey.

Forcing the smile back onto his face, Jack tried to hide his surprise, his eyes threatening to betray him by lingering too long on the scar but he couldn't help it. He wanted so much to stroke his finger across Ianto's cheeks slowly, to feel every single change in that face that he had known so well and wanted to know again. He wanted to relearn every single centimetre of the man before him and forget all about the past year, to just be them and whole and together again.

But the question was, did this new Ianto even want that any more? Had he been gone too long?

“Hello Jack.”

Jack smiled, hoping for a similar look on Ianto's face in return but he remained stoic. The layer of stubble on Ianto's face was a new trait. Jack hated stubble, so Ianto had always made sure he was clean shaven, even having a razor stashed in the archives for those long days and unexpected nights. But now a dusting covered his chin, maybe a day or two's growth, just enough to suggest it was a conscious decision rather than simply an oversight and five o'clock shadow.

Or maybe he'd chosen to leave it to punish Jack, to prove to him he wasn't the one in control any more.

“How are you Ianto?” Jack was struck with deja vu as he realised he'd said those words before. The last time, Ianto had been flustered, almost stammering as he responded, shy and unsure how to answer. But this time he barely reacted, folding his arms across his chest and shrugging.

“Not bad. How are you?” 

It was Jack's turn to be flustered, his hand rising to his chest self consciously before he even noticed it, shifting nervously, unsure whether to step closer or not.

“Me?” he finally managed to say. “Good, good. Bit jetlagged still.”

“Must have been a long flight.”

“Yeah.” Ianto almost looked amused at Jack's discomfort, the slight smile to his eyes one that had a cold edge to it, suggesting anger simmering somewhere beneath that inscrutable exterior. “I uh, got dropped off last night.”

“Ahh. Nice night for it, very clear.”

“Yeah.” Jack felt really odd, like there was another him just outside the conversation, as though his brain was floating above his body, and could almost hear it complaining as his body blundered on without him. He could hear it yelling that they had talked about his journey and they were now talking about the weather for goodness sake. His brain was urging him to lunge forward and kiss Ianto and tell him how he really felt before they got all British and started talking about politics- “I hear I missed the election. A coalition huh?” 

Jack's imaginary brain gave an exasperated sigh and stalked off, leaving the babbling idiot to it.

A hint of a smirk crossed Ianto's face but was diplomatically and rapidly hidden. “Yep. Seems people figure if no one party or person is in charge and able to cover things up maybe we won't get sold out again quite so soon. The background checks and blood screening was good fun too, you'd be amazed how many politicians are into spanking but afraid of needles.”

Jack laughed, the sound almost too harsh to him and stopped quickly. “Politicians huh? I started thinking Guy Fawkes had the right idea, just the wrong century, a while ago.”

He tried not to react as Ianto came closer, walking right up to him, close enough to touch, close enough to grab, his face mere centimetres away-

\- Then carried on, walking over to the railing that surrounded the bay and staring out across the water. Blowing out a breath, Jack turned and followed him, leaning against the rail next to him. Travel, the weather, politics and religion, they'd covered most of the easy topics. What next?

Ianto continued to stare out across the water as Jack stared at him, impassive but he had to be all too aware of Jack's eyes roaming over his face. 

Finally, the immortal sighed and looked away, focusing on the lights of St David's Hotel across the bay. “You're not going to make this easy on me then?”

“Maybe if you'd given me a little warning instead of just showing up in my home town and beating up my friends-” Jack snorted roughly and Ianto turned at last, glaring at him. “Whether you like it or not Jack, he's been here, working with us, rebuilding, he's done-”

“I know just what he's done thanks.”

The iciness in Jack's voice made Ianto wince and turn away again. “What do you want Jack? What do you want me to say? You're the one who told me to go live, remember, you and your bloody apple tree. You're the one who needed space, who needed time apart, I only did what you told me to do so you have no right to criticise me.”

“Yeah, but John? Ianto, he...” Jack trailed off, reaching out to place his hand on Ianto's arm, watching Ianto's eyes close briefly at the touch. “He's... He's John.”

“What do you want me to say Jack?” Ianto sighed gently, still not looking at him. “That it was just one night? That's true, but we both know one night with John is worse than a hundred nights with strangers. Do you want me to say it meant nothing? That he means nothing to me? Well I can't Jack, because it would be a lie.” Turning to face Jack again, Ianto's eyes were hard, the pain in them all too obvious as he carried on, finally able to say all the things he'd been thinking but bottling up for so long.

“It meant everything, Jack, a whole year I've waited for you, a whole year I've resisted and slept alone, a whole year of actually believing you were worth waiting for. And then, last night, I found out you'd both been lying to me all this time, and you know what? I gave up.” He fumbled over the words, his face crumpling as he tried to keep control, as he admitted the one thing he really did feel guilty for. “For one single night I gave up all hope that you'd come back, and I dared to try and find a little release, I dared to actually live.”

Blowing out his breath, Ianto looked back over the bay, silent as a woman walking her dog went past them and waiting until she was gone. Finally, Ianto lowered his voice and looked at Jack again, forcing himself to look him in the eye. 

“As for John, you know why it was him? Because he was there. Because he turned up right when I needed someone. I'm not an idiot Jack, I know he's been working me for months trying to get inside me, he's been playing games and winning my trust but you know what? I didn't care.” Pushing back from the railing Ianto turned around, pressing his spine against the cold metal and enjoying the ache it sent through his body, reminding him this was real. 

“Actually, no,” he added, frowning as he turned to Jack, angry now, finally able to show it and really feeling again for the first time in far too long. “You know what, I did care. I liked it, I liked that, that, that somebody still wanted me, could know what I've done and not give a fuck about it, would still want me. He saved my life Jack, he shot me to stop me going in that building-”

“Oh come on,” Jack shot back sulkily, trying to bite back his jealousy, knowing full well that he had no right to feel that way but still not able to hide it, “that wasn't really this John, even you know enough about time lines to know that-”

“But hey, maybe that's not it and I just figured, if he's good enough for you...”

“That was a long time ago.”

“Not that long Jack. When I... In the other line, when I died, you went back to him, you trusted him to get you through it-”

“Trust? No, now wait a minute,” Jack pressed closer, all thoughts of kissing Ianto gone now as he pressed him back against the railing, a finger shoved hard into his chest. “If there is one thing you need to know it's that I never, ever, trusted John-”

“You just fucked him anyway,” Ianto spat back, shoving Jack back away again. “But it's okay Jack, I get it now, one more lesson in sex and life from Captain Jack Harkness, I finally get what you were on about, that it's possible to sleep with someone without giving a damn about them and that sometimes the best way to forget pain is to fuck it away, no thought for anyone but yourself. So thanks, Jack, that's one lesson I will never forget.”

Jack looked as though he had been slapped, and stepped back, not quite able to believe what Ianto was saying. He'd never seen him this angry, not since Lisa...

Something inside him snapped and he lunged forward again, grabbing Ianto's jacket in his fists and forcing him back against the railing. “You want to know what I learned? I learned that no matter what I do, how hard I try, I always end up losing everything, over and over and over, that no matter how many times I do it still hurts, just the same as the very first time! That no matter how many times I walk away nobody will ever care enough to follow!”

“Follow you where, Jack?” Ianto pushed back. “I couldn't even find you to write to you let alone come after you!”

“Even if you had, you wouldn't have bothered-”

“I was giving you space!”

“Space?” Jack mocked. “Much more space and you would have abandoned me!”

“Oh forget it Jack, I am not getting mixed up in your Doctor issues again, he left you, I didn't!”

“Then why does it still feel the same?!” Jack shouted, suddenly realising that however ridiculous it sounded it was the truth.

Jack could feel his control slipping, all the emotions he'd had to hide for so long threatening to spill out and he hated himself for this. He hated Rose for doing this to him, for forcing him to go through this over and over again, he hated the Doctor for being the only one who could possibly understand and yet refused to help, instead just sending another willing victim Jack's way, just one more notch on the bed post.

He hated Ianto for not understanding, even though there was no way he could.

“Ianto, you could have died, if it hadn't been for John, and don't think for one minute that I don't hate feeling like I owe him for anything, but if he hadn't come back, I could have lost you-”

“But I didn't die Jack,” Ianto said simply, twisting his hands inside Jack's gripping arms to push him away. “I'm right here, I'm still alive, and you haven't lost me. Not yet anyway. I'm right here, right now, but I won't be forever.” Pushing Jack away, Ianto shook his head sharply. “I've been patient Jack, I've tried so hard but you're here now and we need to sort this, we need to figure out what the hell we're doing because you can't ask me to wait any longer on a maybe, for fuck's sake Jack, just...”

Shoving Jack hard, Ianto slipped past him, stopping a couple of paces away before turning back to face him. “If you're going to break my heart, just do me a favour and at least make it a clean break. Go, let me go, go- Go back to the stars, to the Doctor, to John or wherever you want but if you don't want me then let me live. And at least tell me to my face. I deserve that much.” 

Shaking his head, Ianto held his arms out to his side, no hysteria or pleading in his voice despite his words, just calm and truthful. “I would wait for you for as long as it takes Jack, but for God's sake, don't let me wait for you if there's no chance of me being able to have you back.”

“For as long as it takes, huh?” Jack shot back. “So what was last night then, fucking John's your idea of waiting?”

“You hypocritical bastard-” Ianto almost leaped forward, his fist impacting Jack's jaw sharply and sending the Captain sprawling onto his arse yet again. “You! You're the one who was always on about not wanting to be tied down, about needing freedom, and yet you can't handle it when I'm the one who's actually putting it into action-”

“Action's the right word alright,” Jack said as he pushed himself up off the ground, still a little weary from his earlier fight with John and wondering how the hell they had both managed to hit the exact same spot on his chin.

“One bloody time Jack,” Ianto yelled, “one time whilst you've been out doing half the known universe and you're acting like I didn't even wait for your grandson's body to get cold before I fucked John, it's been a year-”

“Don't...” Jack's voice was suddenly hoarse, barely even a whisper, but it was enough to stop Ianto dead, his anger fading at the sheer pain on Jack's face and the line he'd crossed. “Please don't.”

“Jack, I...” 

Reaching out a hand, Ianto helped Jack back up to his feet and they silently made their way over to the bench, sitting side by side as they both calmed down, their breathing changing from ragged, angry gasps to soft synchronicity before they spoke again. Jack broke the silence first, looking out across the bay as he finally spoke.

“Alice and her ex husband are getting back together.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah,” Jack shifted on the bench, pulling his coat tighter around him. “I don't give it long, but maybe in the short term at least it will help.” Ianto tried not to think about the broken woman as he had last seen her, her face pale and stained with tears as her eyes had reached him, the way she had looked right at him, right through him, such hatred and disgust-

Murderer.

“Does she know you're back?”

Jack shook his head and stared unseeingly out across the bay, his expression guarded. “No. I... we said our goodbyes, she doesn't need me any more. She's going to be just fine without me. But it was... I'm glad we had those months. I'm grateful.” Desperately trying to inject some humour into the conversation and distract himself again, Jack laughed, the sound forced. “Even if it did really cramp my style having a daughter around again.”

“Not exactly good for your pulling power then.”

“No, although being introduced as her cousin was an odd experience.”

Closing his eyes for a moment, as though giving in to the sheer ridiculousness of the way they were avoiding the issue yet again, Ianto blew out a long breath. “Rhi and the kids are doing well, they didn't like having to move but the new place is nice and even Johnny has finally stopped complaining about it now.” Shrugging, Ianto opened his eyes again. “Once I replaced his car of course.”

“Of course. Sorry about that. Have they forgiven me yet?”

“Nope.” Ianto couldn't help smiling a little as Jack chuckled. “She still thinks you're a bad influence on me.”

“I hope so,” Jack said with a faint smile. “So I take it she won't be pleased I'm back in town?”

“Probably not,” Ianto admitted, his smile fading. “Rhi... She keeps telling me to forget you and move on. Saying I should let it go, that there's no real hope for us, what sort of future could we have, all that stuff, as though I've never even thought of it myself, as though I'm some kind of idiot who can't figure it out. She keeps saying if you really lo-” he faltered, stumbling over the word, before quickly moving on. “Says if you really cared you would have let me go, let me get on with my life. That I should just be the strong one and tell you to sling your hook-”

“Remind me to thank her for that,” Jack said sarcastically. “Sling my hook? Where did that come from, not exactly very Welsh.”

“She watches too much EastEnders.” Ianto sighed and leaned back on the bench. “And come on Jack, it's not like she knows you. She's never even met you so how can she stick up for you-”

“That's not my fault-”

“I know, Jack I know, but it's just, to her you are just this guy who meant she almost lost her baby brother and has caused nothing but pain-” Ianto broke off as a hurt look came over Jack's face, the words slightly too close for comfort. They sat in silence for a long time, not looking at each other, steadfastly looking anywhere else. Finally Jack spoke, his voice low.

“I... I haven't, have I?”

“Done what?”

“Caused you nothing but pain.”

Smiling just slightly, Ianto faced him again. “I may be a bit of a masochist with my heart but do you really think that I would have stuck with you if I didn't think you were worth it?”

Smiling back, Jack reached out his hand tentatively and placed it on Ianto's thigh, feeling the muscles tense up beneath his fingers. “So, you're pleased to see me?”

Placing his hand over Jack's, Ianto looked away, a strange look on his face. “Of course I am Jack. I just... It's different now. I'm different. And we can't just pick up where we left off. Everything's changed.”

“Okay.”

They sat in silence, watching a sea gull swoop down to attack a piece of litter caught up against the railing, fighting for any stray crumbs it could find. Suddenly Ianto shivered, the sensation making his leg shake and Jack looked up as though only just realising where they were.

“Look, I know we need to take this slow and I don't really know how to say this without it sounding like a terrible cliché, but...” Jack shrugged and nodded his head across the bay towards the Millennium Centre. “I don't suppose you want to get a coffee?”

**********************************************

Jack watched as Ianto smiled at the girl behind the counter, their voices carrying easily in the quiet centre. It was peaceful, just a couple of other people milling around and taking advantage of the shelter the Millennium centre offered from the cool evening air. Jack had made sure he sat with his back to the huge windows overlooking the Plass though.

The windows had been reglazed in record time, but the view of the new towers starting to really take shape outside was too uncomfortable to Jack to really take in. Instead, he stared without seeing into the large open space of the centre, his eyes easily rolling over the smooth lines and clean design. 

As he watched, a young couple wandered past, laughing as they spotted the penny press machine and pausing to fish coins from their pockets, making their own souvenir of the date. It was a silly thing, just a penny stamped with a design showing the Millennium centre blessing, but Jack knew that, depending on how that young couple turned out, it could be so much more. 

It could be a memory of the first night they met, something to show the grandkids. It could be a trinket that later caused tears as it was packed away, just another reminder of a lost love. It could be a lucky charm.

Or it could just be a penny, lost and left behind like so many others.

Jack had stopped collecting such things a long time ago. They hurt too much to keep. Travel light, that was his way. But, right then, he wished he had something, anything, that he could hold in his hand to prove he and Ianto had ever been more than this awkwardness and silence. Something he could get out to show Ianto, to prove that he had always kept it safe with him, never giving up on them. 

Instead, all he had was the corner of his heart that carried that love with him where ever he went, and just like the rest of him it never really died. Not for long. 

Living forever was painful, but nothing compared with loving forever.

He turned back as Ianto came back over, two mugs sliding onto the table between them, soft swirls of steam rising gently from them. Jack busied himself with sugar and spoons, trying to remember how he liked his coffee and wanting to make a joke about what had happened when Starbucks truly did become Starbucks, but Ianto wouldn't have understood it anyway. Maybe they really were too different after all, maybe he should just end this now, walk away and really let Ianto go, let him live like he'd said. It might be the best thing he could do for everyone.

But then Ianto lifted the coffee to his lips and that tiny trace of a smile appeared, the one Jack used to call his 'caffeine addict' smile. It was such a small thing, just a smile, but it was enough to make Jack realise that no, he wasn't ready to give up the chance of seeing it again, every single day. Not without a fight. 

Except there was no one to fight this time. No monsters, no aliens; the only person he could possibly fight was Ianto and even if he won, he would still lose him.

******************************************

Ianto looked over his shoulder at a laugh from the young woman at the penny press, watching her pull her boyfriend close and kiss him with joy, just two kids enjoying the moment, and smiled at them. He could feel how it must look on his face, the smile of an old man watching others share delights that he was too old for now. 

He was only twenty-seven, this was ridiculous, he wasn't dead yet. Jack was right here, right now, so why couldn't he just enjoy it? Twenty-six hadn't felt this old, so why was twenty-seven so hard? It was just a number, just a date.

“You missed my birthday.” Ianto wasn't even aware of what he was saying until the words were out of his mouth and he tried not to be embarrassed by it. It was just the truth. Jack needed to hear a few truths so he may as well start with a simple one.

“Oh. I did?”

Ianto snorted softly and looked down, stirring his coffee in slow steady circles. “Yeah. You know, I actually thought you'd turn up for it. I spent the whole day looking for you, searching for any flash of that damn coat of yours and checking every shadow for couriers, thinking maybe you at least sent me a card. It's daft, you barely remembered my birthday when you were here unless someone reminded you, so why should you remember lightyears away where there isn't even the same calendar.”

His face crinkled as he looked up, regret and hurt crossing his face. “It's stupid but I really thought you would come. I thought Gwen was stupid for thinking you would turn up for the baby's birth but what did I do? I thought exactly the same thing about my day. Even when I knew it wasn't possible, that it was too late, that I should just enjoy what I had all I could think of was what was missing.”

Looking away again, Ianto watched the café staff tidying up, the hiss of steam from the machinery marking their efforts and the soft clink of the metal oddly reassuring to him. “Ridiculous right? I mean, it's not like we ever did anything normal like that. Birthdays, Christmas, Sundays in bed with the paper, none of that ever really happened.”

“Ianto, I...”

“I mean you tried a few times.” He smiled softly. “But, for my last birthday the whole team got me a huge cake, a nice present, there were balloons and singing and everything, just like they used to do at Torchwood 1 or any normal job. It was everyone around me sharing in the fun and making it my day and it was really lovely, they tried so hard. But all I could think of was that stupid muffin you bought from Tesco and stuck a candle in two years ago.”

Jack smiled and nodded to himself. “I remember. I was a bit late, it was barely even your birthday still.” 

“Yeah. It was already nearly midnight, I was covered in mud, the tie Rhi had sent me was already trashed and in the bin and I was so fed up I just wanted to go home to bed and forget the whole thing. But then you turned out the lights and you were holding that stupid muffin and you had this proud grin on your face like you'd slaved away all day making it yourself and-” He stopped, unable to continue.

“And you said you wanted to wash up first, that you were too muddy.”

Laughing, Ianto nodded. “And of course you insisted on coming with me, and by the time we got back Myfanwy had eaten the whole thing, including the bloody candle.”

Laughing with him, Jack shifted closer. “I'm sorry.” Blowing out a deep breath he looked out at the quiet room. “Did I miss it by much? I thought it was in August, right?”

“It is,” Ianto confirmed wearily. “It's now nearly October. You're over a month late.”

“Sorry.”

“Don't be bloody sorry, Jack. I was just being stupid.” Dropping his spoon down onto the saucer with a clatter, Ianto pursed his lips and tried not to snap but couldn't keep the anger out of his voice. “Stop saying sorry, it's annoying.”

“Sor- I'll try.”

“Look, I didn't tell you that just to get an apology out of you or to make you feel bad. It's not like that, I don't-” Ianto took a deep breath and scratched the side of his neck. “I know you didn't mean to, we both had things we needed to do, we both needed space and I'm not gonna keep going on about it, but I need to tell you some things, not to blame you, just because you need to know, because I need to tell you, I need-”

Closing his eyes, Ianto blew out a tired sigh and rubbed his hands over his face, almost surprised at the amount of stubble there. “There is so much I wanted to tell you all year, so many things, there's good things too and bad things and I just- You've no idea how hard it was not being able to talk to you or ask your advice. It's been a hell of a year.”

“Yeah,” Jack breathed quietly, not sure if he wanted to share too, but uncertain if Ianto would accept that again. Could they really slip back into the old pattern of Ianto sharing everything and Jack just his heart and body, his past and mind locked up tight, all his thoughts and terrors kept strictly to himself except for those that spilled over into this life too.

Ianto sat in silence, giving Jack the chance to speak, then sighed and gave his head a small shake. “I could've used your help figuring out how to handle Johnson at least.”

Laughing softly, Jack nodded and sipped at his coffee, grateful for the change of topic and way out Ianto was offering. “Oh yeah?”

“She managed to get together a good team of ex secret service army types, I don't ask and they don't tell exactly where they came from, and they've been great but they were a little too enthusiastic at first.”

“Enthusiastic? For aliens?”

“For killing them anyway.”

“Ah.”

“Wasn't that big a problem with the weevils but then one of the guys tried to shoot a Kalparian-”

“Aren't they the ones with the giant sacks under their necks?”

“Yep. Did you know, a bullet penetrating one of those sacks will cause an explosion of smelly green goo capable of covering a hundred metre radius?”

Laughing, Jack shook his head, a genuine smile lighting up his face and making Ianto grin too. “I do now! Toxic?”

“No, just disgusting. Noddy stank for about a week afterwards, he ended up walking round with a gas mask stuffed with pot pourri to try and stop from being able to smell himself.”

Chuckling, Jack held up one finger, questioningly. “Hang on, Noddy?”

“Oh, Johnson's boys won't tell us their real names so they all took code names based on children's TV characters. Bill and Ben head up the main team with Noddy and Big Ears, Andy Pandy – he wanted to be Captain Pugwash but we decided there are quite enough Captain's around here as it is. The backup team are Hugh, Pugh, Barney Magrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub. Oh and Windy Miller was here for a while but he's moved on now.”

“Killed?”

“No, no,” Ianto quickly clarified, “he met a local girl and, after what can only be described as a whirlwind romance, has run off to Scotland with her. Actually, yesterday was the first time we've lost anyone all year.”

“Not bad.”

“And he was UNIT, so didn't really count anyway,” Ianto deadpanned.

Cracking another smile at the joke, Jack leaned back in his seat and stirred his coffee again. It was missing something. Maybe more sugar, or some syrup? He couldn't remember...

“Sounds like you've gotten really organised without me,” Jack said softly.

“We had to. But I'm sure Martha kept you up to date with everything.”

Ianto couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice and Jack sighed, putting the spoon down and leaning forward over the small table. “Look, Ianto, about that-”

“You don't have to explain-”

“Well obviously I do, judging by the way Martha's pissed at me and you're acting like she's some sort of spy-”

“Oh come off it Jack,” Ianto snapped, his voice carrying across the quiet café and making the girl behind the counter stare at him before quickly looking away. Lowering his voice, Ianto tried to calm down. “She was in touch with you the whole time, before you even left the planet-”

“I just wanted to know you were alright!” Jack snapped back, pushing his coffee away and folding his arms across his chest. “I was worried about you, we both were.”

“So what did she tell you, Jack? Did she give you my medical reports?” Ianto asked sulkily. “Or did she tell you about whether I was still having nightmares or not doing my physiotherapy and eating my vegetables?”

“Stop acting like a child, it doesn't suit you.”

“I will if you will.”

“For goodness sake Ianto, it was a couple of phone calls! Mostly it was just a text or two to check everyone was alive, and when you teamed up with UNIT and the Mr Copper Foundation, we're not talking detail here, just the headlines-”

“Well it's more than I got from you,” Ianto snarled before sighing deeply. “I just... It fucking hurt, Jack. I've known nothing about whether you were okay, where you were, anything, and to find out you've been going behind my back... Fact is, if you'd just asked or if she'd told me you were still in touch I probably wouldn't even have cared. It's the secret, Jack. It was just one too many secrets after... After everything else...”

“After Alice,” Jack finished for him. “And the 456. And Gray. And John to an extent, I guess. And even Martha herself and the Doctor-”

“And the Master.” Jack couldn't help flinching and Ianto waved it off quickly, not wanting to get sidetracked. “The point is, I don't want or need to know everything about you Jack, I just... Your secrets seem to end up getting people hurt and I am not going to let that happen any more.”

“No secrets,” Jack said uncertainly, unsure if that was a promise he could keep, even if he intended to. There was just so much to his past, he could talk every minute of every day and probably still not even cover half of it before Ianto was drawing his pension. He had whole other lives, long gone but still a part of him. Where to even start? “I just... I have to ask. If I hadn't come back today, if it had been a week or a month from now would you have told me about John?”

Ianto looked distant, then shrugged. “Honestly? I don't know. If you'd come back a month from now and in the time between John and I had been at it like bunnies, definitely. If in that time I'd never gone near him but instead been picking up half of Cardiff... Well, then it would hardly stand out, would it?”

Pushing his coffee aside Ianto leaned forward. “If nothing had happened to involve Alice in Torchwood, if she'd never been in danger, do you think you would ever have told me about her? Or vice versa?”

Jack looked uncomfortable and avoided Ianto's gaze. “Honestly? Probably not. And I... I keep thinking about that decision. I keep wondering-” He glanced up again, his eyes haunted. “They found her because she was looking for me, worried, didn't know what was going on. If I'd... If I'd told you about her, maybe you could have got to her first, you and Gwen could have taken her with you, given her a chance to run, maybe they-”

Jack's eyes were damp with threatened tears and he blinked furiously to push them away. “I've made a lot of really lousy decisions in my life, Ianto. Especially when it comes to anyone I care about. I push people away and don't realise until it's too late-”

“Yeah, I've noticed,” Ianto said softly, closing his eyes and trying to keep his composure in the quiet café. He had played the same what if scenarios about Alice in his head over and over, wondering what would have happened if John had travelled just a little further back in time. He'd dreamed about it, had visions of himself calling Alice, warning her away, of not having to sacrifice herchild to the 456, of being able to meet her properly, of seeing Jack with his grandson, hugs with smiles and laughs instead of tears of blood and screaming-

“So...” Jack interrupted his thoughts quietly, making him jump. “Honesty time. What about us? Do you... Do you still want me around? I mean, in a us way-”

Ianto looked away, staring into space for a long time before turning back. “If you'd asked me that yesterday I'd have said yes, hell yes, and damn the consequences, but now-”

“Because of John-”

“No, Jack, because of me!” Ianto snapped, his focus all on Jack again. “Because I've changed, and I don't just mean last night, I mean all year, it just took last night to realise it. I've been so sure, so focused on you coming back, on getting ready for it, that I forgot to live Jack, I forgot to just be me. I was so obsessed with being who you wanted, hoping if I was good enough you would come back-”

“You were always good enough-”Jack started but Ianto cut him off with a sharp wave of his hand.

“I'm not fishing for compliments Jack, I'm trying to explain, it was just that I suddenly looked and realised how much of me was because of you. And in many ways that's a good thing but in others it's bad and I wasn't able to tell the difference, suddenly I couldn't tell what was habit and what was what I wanted to do any more.”

“I get it,” Jack said harshly, “I was a habit, you've broken it now and don't want to start again.”

“What?! You think I was with you out of habit?” Ianto asked incredulously. “You think it's like smoking or alcohol, that I'm some sort of addict?” Sitting up straighter, Ianto folded his arms across his chest. “Hello group, my name is Ianto and I'm a Jackaholic-”

“Jack addict sounds better.”

“-It's been one year since I last had any Jack.”

“But you had a good dose of John-”

“Or maybe,” Ianto continued over him, ignoring the looks from the girls behind the counter as he counted things off on his fingers, “you were just on my daily checklist? Fed Myfanwy? Check. Cleaned the coffee machine? Check. Blown Jack? Check.”

“Oh come on,” Jack bit back angrily, “like you could really separate me from the job, it's not like there was ever any distinction between the two.”

“Really? Let's reverse that shall we Jack?” Ianto snapped, slamming his hands down flat onto the table. “If it's impossible to separate the job from the sex, what did that make me to you, a perk of the job? A bonus? Maybe it's in your contract for all I know, in exchange for dying on the job, Captain Jack Fucking Harkness shall be rewarded by being able to have any member of staff he chooses-”

“No!” Jack shouted, finally noticing the silence in the centre and lowering his voice quickly, grabbing Ianto's hand. “It was never like that, you were never a perk-”

“Well you were never a habit,” Ianto hissed back.

“Right then.”

“Right.” Ianto took a deep breath and shook Jack's hand off his, trying to calm down again. “All I meant was, I've been trying to get used to just being me. I don't mean you were a habit I mean wearing a suit was just a habit, or shaving closely or, hell I don't know.” Running his hand through his hair, Ianto shook his head quickly. “I just... I need to work out who I am without you around, and who I am with you there and the bit inbetween. I just need some time.”

“I thought time was the problem,” Jack said in an attempt at humour.

“Well yeah, but no, but yeah,” Ianto replied with a small smile, trying to lift the tension too. “You gave me too much time on my own but now I'm not ready to not be alone. It's too much, too soon, too different.”

“But you think that eventually...?”

Ianto blew out a long breath and shrugged. “That's just it. I don't know any more.”

******************************************* 

Jack brought the fresh round of coffee over, the break badly needed to give them time to breathe, to think of what had been said and take in what was really happening. Jack tried to keep a tremble in his fingers from making the cups rattle as he placed them down, excusing himself with the explanation of a trip to the bathroom, but not able to avoid seeing the gratitude in Ianto's eyes for a few more precious seconds alone to compose himself.

Standing in front of the sink, Jack leaned heavily against the side and felt his head drop down low, suddenly too heavy to even think of holding it up, pressure in his muscles he hadn't even realised was there making him ache.

He was losing Ianto.

He'd seen it before, far too many times. Oh, everyone was fine at first, all talk of forever and jokes about old age but he'd seen the truth, he'd seen the way it ate away at them. He could love them forever but as they would watch themselves grow old and wither away they grew jealous, angry, and they couldn't believe him when he said he didn't care, that it didn't matter to him how they looked. 

The fact was, humans were meant to grow old together, whether in pairs or groups or families, the sadness of passing years offset by the joys of watching another generation blossom and grow. To face the abyss with your lover's hand in yours was quite different to facing it alone.

If he stayed, he could never give Ianto that. Ianto's sister was right. If he truly loved Ianto he would have to let him go. He would have to walk away, start all over again, try and find somewhere new and do this all over again-

Slamming his hand down into the porcelain, Jack caught sight of the fury on his face and snarled. Yes, he wanted Ianto to be happy and safe but he could feel anger and pain inside him, jealousy and fire that threatened to burn through him. He wanted Ianto to be happy but dammit, he wanted Ianto more, he wanted Ianto for himself, for nobody else, even if it meant Ianto was in danger, even if it meant he had to give up everyone else, his family, his life, Jack didn't care, none of it mattered, he wanted Ianto-

The crack of knuckles as his fist slammed into the mirror were nothing compared to the sound of the mirror splintering around him, spiderwebs of damage shooting through the glass and splitting his reflection into a dozen jagged images. He caught sight of himself, the rage on his face somehow magnified as it stared back at him over and over and shuddered as he lowered his hand, dragging it over the mirror, small cuts lancing across his fingertips as they caught on the sharp edges.

He knew where that sort of obsession led. For that feeling, that wasn't love, it was obsession, and Ianto deserved so much more than that, so much more than that.

So much more than Jack could give.

Straightening up, Jack grabbed a paper towel and rinsed his hands under the taps before drying them off, pressing his damp fingers hard against the paper to stem the tiny traces of blood. In a few minutes they would be gone.

Just like Ianto.

Jack closed his eyes, his head tilted back as he faced up to the ceiling, trying to hold back the urge to scream. He really did care about Ianto so much, he truly did, it was so tempting to stay anyway, to try and be in his life any way possible, even if it meant watching him with someone else. Or they could carry on as they once had, nothing beyond sex, beyond the moment, no lasting commitment at all-

Except it had gone too far for that. The thought of having Ianto, of being so close to him but not having that look in his eyes, the way Ianto would look at him, just him, the way his eyes spoke the words that neither of them could say, that spoke of lov-

He couldn't go back to not having that. It had to be everything or nothing. 

He needed Ianto to be sure.

Content the bleeding had stopped, Jack tossed the towel into the bin and checked himself in the broken mirror as best he could. Composure regained, he walked back to Ianto to decide their fate.

***************************************

When he got back, they spoke of nothing in particular for a long time, the sort of small talk that would normally have driven Jack insane but right now felt not just a necessary evil but needed. They needed to learn to be around each other again. 

He'd thought they would just pick up where they left off, had foolishly thought that Ianto would be so grateful to see him they could skip right over the awkwardness of having to get to know each other again. It hadn't been this bad last time.

Of course, the last time he had been away it had been a year only for him, not for Ianto too.

“How long does it usually take?” Ianto suddenly asked, making Jack jump. He looked up in confusion, and shook his head, not understanding. “How long does it take to forget someone?” Ianto explained, hesitant. “To... To get over them I mean. You must have had to do this a few times, how long before it stops hurting? I mean, with Lisa, it's... It doesn't hurt any more. I still miss her but it doesn't hurt like it did. So... How long before I will be able to forget you?”

Jack smiled coldly and shook his head, looking down again. “Trust me, you don't want an honest answer to that question.” Making a stab at humour, he glanced up and winked but the joke didn't reach his eyes. “I'm unforgettable.”

“How long before you forget me then?”

Jack suddenly moved, his hand darting out across the table and snagging Ianto's in his, holding it tight. “Never.”

Ianto shook his head, trying to pull his hand back but at the same time wanting nothing more than to twist and wrap his fingers through Jack's and never let go. “Never is a very long time Jack, you should know that better than anyone. I don't expect you to remember me forever, I don't want you to mourn me, I want you to be happy and move on, I just...”

“Ianto, look at me.” Ianto finally looked up, dragging his gaze away from their hands and taking a deep breath. “You're right, forever is a long time. I can't promise I will remember the way you smile or how you smell or even the way you say my name but I...” Jack hesitated and squeezed Ianto's fingers tighter. “I will still remember you. I-” Jack almost looked shy and an embarrassed smile flickered over his lips. “I know I've been with quite a few people in my time-”

“That's one way of putting it,” Ianto said dryly.

“-and I don't know what's going to happen to me in the future. Who knows, I may be like one of those weird head in a jar things they have on Futurama-”

“Seriously, when do you and John get time to watch so much TV?”

“-but I do know this, this feeling, the way we felt, I know it will stay with me, I... I don't know how to explain this, I... There are people who were in my life who I've forgotten, people who were in my life I really wish and hope I will one day forget, but there are others I don't have to try to remember, I just... they're a part of me, make me who I am and...” Blowing out a shaky breath, Jack shook his head quickly. “Dammit, you'd think by my age I'd be better at this.”

Ianto was looking at him, his stare so intense but at the same time patient, waiting, willing Jack to find the words.

“I guess what I'm trying to say is, the way I feel about you, Ianto I've lived a long time and I know how rare this is! But that's just it, it's so rare it doesn't fade, it lasts. Everyone I've loved I still feel them with me, they are still a part of me and no matter how much it hurt to lose them I still feel it, I still love them, even after all this time, and I know that I will still for a very long time, they're a part of me, just as you are, I just...”

Ianto looked round as the faint sound of a crowd clapping reached them. For one insane second he thought that the universe itself was actually applauding them, congratulating Jack on finally opening up.

The sound of many footsteps brought him back to the far more logical and correct answer; tonight's performance was over, the curtain had gone down on yet another show and the audience was on the move. Ianto reflected wryly that there had once been a time when he had known every show that was on at the centre whereas now he barely remembered there was actually a larger purpose to the huge building overlooking their old home.

A babble of voices, chatting and comparing notes on the show, grew louder as the audience dispersed and it seemed mere seconds before people were milling into the coffee shop and little gift shop nearby, picking over souvenirs and cappuccinos with smiles all round. A good show tonight then, whatever it was. 

Ianto wasn't sure when Jack began to stare but he suddenly became aware that Jack had almost zoned out, the intensity of his gaze a little worrying and Ianto turned, trying to see what had caught his eye-

A small group of kids, maybe nine or ten years old, a couple of slightly older ones walking more aloofly behind as their chaperones tried to herd them all towards the gift shop, wandered past. Some sort of school trip or big family outing perhaps. Maybe scouts or brownies, they loved this sort of thing.

He turned back to Jack, a small smile on his lips then froze as he spotted the look of almost terror on Jack's face. “Jack?” Jack didn't answer, his body rigid as he sat very still, as though afraid of the children, of what they might suddenly do. 

In all the anger and rush and craziness of seeing Jack again, of having him back, in all his anger that it had taken so long he'd never thought to check if Jack was truly ready to come back.

Standing quickly, Ianto grabbed Jack's hand and tugged him firmly from the seat. At the touch, Jack snapped out of it, letting himself be quickly guided out of the coffee shop and away from the crowds milling round the area. A few people stared at their joined hands but Ianto didn't care, his focus solely on Jack, instinctively wanting to get him somewhere quiet, somewhere safe.

Jack wasn't really aware of where they were going, his focus all taken with simply negotiating the crowd and not letting go of Ianto's hand. It felt so strange, so warm and comforting in his. He hadn't exactly been short on physical contact since he had been gone, but it had been so very long since anyone had simply held his hand.

He became aware of the door, the red light of a security pass pad glowing dimly in the bright centre lighting, just as Ianto reached it, his free hand flicking into his pocket and pulling out an unassuming security tag and waving it over the reader. A hum and a click and the door released, the move unnoticed by any of the crowds around, and Ianto pushed through it, dragging Jack with him and pushing the door closed behind them. 

There was a click as it locked again and the noise level dropped, the heavy fire door blocking out much of the babble and letting them hear each others breath, the sound harsh in the sudden silence.

“You okay?”

Jack nodded slowly, concentrating on his breathing, then shook his head. “I don't know what... I don't know what happened. I just lost it...” Closing his eyes, Jack leaned back against the bare wall, the utilitarian corridor a huge contrast to the more sleek and glitzy public areas beyond the door. 

“You want to talk about it?”

Shaking his head quickly, Jack almost shuddered but kept his composure. “No, I... Ianto I'm not ready to talk about all that yet, so please-”

“It's okay,” Ianto said softly, his hand slipping into Jack's and squeezing tight. “You don't have to explain.”

“Thanks.” Jack squeezed back before slipping his fingers free of Ianto's and opening his eyes to look into Ianto's blue ones again. “And thanks for the quick exit.”

“You're welcome. I've spent a fair bit of time here lately and it pays to know a few quiet spots to hide at short notice around here.”

“Yeah?” Jack raised his eyebrows questioningly. “Alien or human tech to hack the lock?”

Shrugging, Ianto reached into his pocket and retrieved the card he'd used on the door. “Oh definitely human and no hacking.” Handing it to Jack, Ianto smiled as Jack laughed at the picture of Ianto that stared back at him from the card, complete with job title and centre logo.

“You got a real ID?”

“We've been doing a lot of work with the centre during the rebuild, the managers here are, shall we say, keen to do their bit to keep the bay safe. Alien hunters and fan clubs visits are good for business, broken windows every few weeks isn't, so helping us keep things quiet is something they're very keen on.”

“Corporate sponsorship? You're supposed to work for corporate sponsorship? What does that even mean?”

Taking the card back, Ianto shrugged. “It means no one looks too closely, they don't question that they've never met you before, and I get staff discount at the shops.”

“Congratulations.”

“It's a living,” Ianto replied before they both flashed quick grins and relaxed a little, out of sight of the crowds and tucked away. Looking around, Ianto got his bearings and jerked his thumb down the hallway. “Come on, they'll be around for a while yet and the proper staff will need this route eventually. I know a store room we can stay in for now, it's not much but it's comfier than out here.”

“Do I want to know how you know that?” Jack asked as he nodded and followed Ianto down the corridor.

“It is a long story that involves a Hoix, three commandos and a Santa Claus outfit, so perhaps not.”

“Sounds like a hell of a Saturday night to me,” Jack drawled, pushing ahead of Ianto to put a hand on the door ahead of them, half blocking the way. “I'm all ears.”

A smile crept across Ianto's face and he nodded once, pushing past Jack with a shrug to lead the way again. “Well,” he began patiently, “it all started with a lot of ice cream going missing...”

*********************************************

Ianto laughed as Jack reached the punchline of his story, the old desk chair Jack was straddling spinning round as he finished his tale with a flourish, his coat spinning out behind him, every inch the show man.

“And then Mitcha said, 'You were only supposed to blow the bloody Grebes off!'” Laughing, Jack put his feet down to stop the chair spinning, his arms folded across the back rest as he sat on the chair the wrong way round. Grinning, he looked over at Ianto, curled up on a pile of bean bags that he could only assume had once been a prop for a play or were used for some kind of school group activities. Ianto had got rid of his jacket long ago and was lounging in his jeans and t shirt and looking so relaxed, his face somehow younger as he smiled back.

“Sounds like a hell of a night.”

“It was,” Jack admitted, ignoring a creak from the chair as he rested his head on his arms. “Not one of my finest moments, I'll admit, but it got the job done.”

“Sometimes that's all you can ask for,” Ianto agreed, leaning back on the bean bags and suddenly stifling a yawn. Glancing at his watch, Ianto's eyes widened as he took in the time. “Shit, Jack, we've been talking for hours and we still haven't really talked about anything.”

“Oh I don't know about that, I've learned lots about what you've been up to-”

“And I suppose I've learned lots of things not to do should we ever have a delegation of Grebes, Calfans and Kreets turn up, or I get stuck on a ship with a gravity drive failure or I wake up naked in the gutter on a pleasure planet.”

“Well there you go,” Jack laughed, holding out his hands as though asking what else they could possibly need to know about. “It's all sorted.”

“Except nothing is,” Ianto pushed back, sitting up straight with a quiet sigh. “We still need to decide what we're going to do about this. Us. We can't just carry on like this, we need to know where we stand.”

Pushing up off the chair, Jack took his time returning it to the corner of the small room, trying to avoid answering that question and focusing instead on his surroundings. The room was about the size of a small office but had a rail full of old costumes, the bean bags, some old or broken office equipment, a couple of crash mats stood upright against one wall and an assortment of old cleaning supplies stacked in a corner. It was about as down to earth and ordinary as it could be.

Which was what he needed to be. No matter how much he wanted to pretend, to be in charge and live in the world of aliens and time travel and adventure forever and drag Ianto into it with him. This was Ianto's time, Ianto's world, Ianto's way, and if Jack wanted to be with him it was this world he would have to get used to again.

But at least he could still have a few aliens and adventures.

Turning back, he moved to sit down beside Ianto, an odd expression on his face as he sunk into the beanbag, his body tensing as he tried to retain some dignity. It had been about three decades since he had sat on one of those things, and it wasn't exactly a grown up sized bag in the first place.

Catching Ianto's soft snigger he shifted to face him, putting on his best stern face as he laced his fingers together across his chest and tried to act as though he was in a serious meeting rather than on a child's bean bag in a store room. Ianto's smile grew at the sight and Jack chuckled back before growing serious again and sighing.

“So, I guess going back to how we were and just playing it by ear is out of the question?”

“Not if it means you running off and leaving me behind every other year, no.” Seeing the flicker of pain on Jack's face as the hit struck home, Ianto sighed. “Sorry. I just mean, I don't think we can go back, too much has changed and we need to actually have some sort of, I don't know...”

“We have to find a different way to fit back into each others lives-”

“Or not,” Ianto added quietly, avoiding Jack's gaze.

“Or not.” Swallowing hard, Jack stared straight ahead and tried not to think that one through. “Okay, so how do you want to do this? Should we just flip a coin or something?”

Rolling his eyes, Ianto raised an eyebrow sarcastically. “Right, and maybe after that we should go see a psychic. Look, I think the best thing to do is to go through all our options, lay them out on the table, discuss them like adults and work out what the best thing to do is. We've gone with out hearts for too long Jack, and look where it's got us, it's time we grew up and were sensible and thought things through properly. I mean, what chance do we really stand? Honestly?”

“Less than none,” Jack admitted, glancing down at his feet resting on the cheap carpet and trying not to acknowledge the sick feeling in his chest. He'd had this conversation before too, too many times, and knew it was the end. Because no matter how much they both may want to be together, logically it could never, ever, end in anything but pain.

And that was the one thing he really did want to spare Ianto, even if it meant taking it himself.

Closing his eyes and trying to be strong, Jack leaned back in the bag as they ignored their hearts and let their heads decide.

********************************************* 7

Captain John Hart yawned as he flicked through the images on the screen, finally settling on some foreign porn extravaganza he'd managed to pull off a strange satellite somewhere over the planet. Muting the sound, he let Jack and Ianto's pointless conversation wash over him, only listening out for his own name or anything interesting as he concentrated on the writhing bodies before him.

Stripping off his t shirt, he settled down in the chair and unzipped his trousers, making himself very comfortable. After all, they had been talking for a while already and hadn't come up with anything that entertaining. He could afford to distract himself for a while.

Another chink behind him made him sigh and reach his hand back, not even looking as he felt a couple of soft wet weights slide into his palm. Content they were settled, he pulled his hand back and gently placed the blobs on his shoulder, stroking a finger over them as they flickered through colours, picking up his mood and excited by it.

This was something the others just didn't get. They thought of the blobs as children, which, yes, compared to the full sized creatures he knew they could become, they were. But they weren't innocent. They were aware, smart and not as cute as they looked.

21st century humans, so arrogant about their own superiority they judged everyone else in the universe as either inferior or a threat.

“Hey, watch it,” John muttered, grabbing a blob as it rolled down his chest heading towards his lap. “You know that's not a good idea. Stick to the emotions, I can handle the rest myself, okay?” A quiver of apologetic orange washed over the blob and he nodded sternly, tickling it gently before resting it on his thigh. “Good girl.”

Much better. Not that he would usually object to a helping hand but it had been so hard acting innocent when a hair had turned up in Charlie's flask after the last time. Better safe than sorry.

Although judging by the conversation he could still hear Jack and Ianto having, they were going for safe and sorry...

**************************************

“So that's it,” Ianto stated with determination. Clapping his hands together decisively, he wriggled on the bean bags, trying to restore circulation to his leg. 

“That's it,” Jack echoed, his face impassive as he sat beside Ianto, stretching out a stiff leg muscle in return, and only now remembering why bean bags were such a bad invention.

“We're agreed, the only sensible, logical things we can do that make any sense, that have a hope in hell of us both being able to have any sort of normal life or stay sane is to either both give up Torchwood and move somewhere quiet and live safely and calmly until I die of, hopefully, old age-”

“Or for us both to carry on working for Torchwood but not see each other, keep it strictly professional-”

“Or for you to stay but for me to leave Torchwood and live a normal life-”

“Or for me to leave Torchwood for at least fifty years or so and come back after you're gone.” Jack shrugged. “It wouldn't be that bad, maybe UNIT could use a spare pair of immortal hands. Or I could go back to travelling, still a lot of things on that list for me to see.”

“Right.”

“Right.”

They sat in silence for a long moment, staring into space.

“How long do you think we'd last in a normal house before we killed each other?” Ianto asked quietly.

“About a month,” Jack chuckled. “Can you imagine me trying to get a regular job?”

“If it's in an office, you'd be sacked for harassment within a week. Actually, any job and you'd be done for sexual harassment.”

“Hey, I can control myself.”

“You just choose not to.” Ianto shrugged. “Besides, lets be honest, first sign of alien invasion, Daleks-”

“Sontarans-”

“Judoon, Grebes,” Jack chuckled as Ianto continued, “you know full well we'd be right back in it, and without the contacts or resources to actually do anything but get ourselves killed.”

“Yeah. Which kindof defeats the object.” Nodding, Jack pushed aside the mental image of him and Ianto, sat on a sofa watching the soaps and talking about nothing more serious than bad bosses and idiot drivers on the commute. It would have been nice but Ianto was right, they would both go stir crazy. “So, no leaving Torchwood together.”

“Jack, I don't want to leave Torchwood at all, it's my home, I've put a lot of time into it-” Ianto started.

“You have?” Jack said incredulously. “Try a hundred years, I definitely have seniority when it comes to keeping Torchwood-”

“Oh come on Jack, in all that time you were only in charge for a decade and in that time we lost two fifths of our team-”

“You've lost someone too-”

“Excuse me, one out of thirty and he wasn't even really mine anyway!” Ianto shot back, “In one year I've rebuilt, restaffed, restructured and improved Torchwood in a way you couldn't manage in a decade. Hell, you never even managed to clean up and improve your office let alone the organisation-”

“Oh that's a cheap shot.”

“No, that's the truth, a cheap shot would have been to say you never managed to change your sheets in that time-”

The look of mock indignation on Jack's face was a sight to behold, all the more so because he couldn't actually argue the point with any real conviction.

“Look, I just-” Jack tried to explain. “I don't like managing people, it's like herding cats or something, believe me that expression takes on a whole new meaning when you meet the ones who walk upright.” Ianto couldn't help raising an eyebrow at that. “Not to mention a completely different kind of fur balls being involved-”

“Forget the cats, Jack.” Ianto sighed. “I don't particularly like managing people either but it's the job, and-”

“And you're good at it,” Jack admitted quietly. “You're a hell of a lot better than I ever was.”

Ianto shifted uncomfortably. “You were a good leader Jack, just... just not a...”

“Manager?”

“Yeah,” Ianto chuckled softly. “Inspiration and leading from the front, being a hero, hell yeah. Remembering to pay us-”

“Oh come on, it was only twice-”

“-and making sure we had some kind of employment policy besides 'hey, I think you're good, come join my secret team'-”

“Well it worked, didn't it?” Jack muttered indignantly.

“-and making sure we were able to recruit new staff when we had losses...”

Ianto fell silent at last and Jack shrugged, his eyes distant. “I just... I never have the heart to... I don't, I can't replace anyone, ever, and the thought of even trying...”

“You're a hero Jack,” Ianto stated simply. “Heroes save the world. They shouldn't have to clean up the mess that's left afterwards or worry about putting it back together again.”

“Just as well, I would only make an even bigger mess.”

“Yes.”

They laughed, the sound almost unexpected in the still air, and Jack leaned back against the bean bags, his hands on his thighs. “So, you make the better manager and I make a better hero. So I guess the sensible thing to do is leave you managing and I should go be a hero somewhere else. You get Torchwood and I'll... I'll find somewhere. Hey, maybe I could finally establish Torchwood 5, Bermuda, you know that triangle is actually an interspacial fissure...”

Jack hesitated, trying to keep an edge of hope out of his voice. “Or, you know, there is another option we hadn't thought of. Leave Torchwood, but rather than just staying somewhere quiet and just growing old we could- You could come with me.” Ianto looked round in confusion. “Travelling. The stars. Other planets. Other races... Heck, if I called in any of the about a dozen favours he owes me, I could even get us a lift to another time, maybe go check out a different century...”

Ianto looked thoughtful for a long time, then finally spoke. “No. I... Not right now.” He caught the look of disappointment on Jack's face and shrugged. “Jack, I'm finally being an uncle and brother again. I've got a niece, nephew and a god daughter to teach all the really good swear words to now. I feel like I've been running around for the past five years, always on some adventure or another, some crisis or drama or big secret. For the first time in my life, I've got people outside the job, supporting me, giving me somewhere to escape to. I can be honest about who I am and what I do and I... I like it. I'm not ready to give that up just yet.”

“Of course,” Jack said softly, a small but sad smile on his face as he regarded Ianto.

“Do me a favour though?”

“Anything.”

“Ask me again some time,” Ianto said, such longing in his voice that it made Jack just stare before finally remembering to respond.

Nodding, Jack leaned back against the wall and folded his arms across his chest. “So, you're going to stay here, run Torchwood and have some family life.” In spite of their situation there was no bitterness in his voice, no condescension at the sheer domesticity of it all. In fact, if there was any trace of emotion in Jack's voice it was perhaps wistfulness, a desire to have some of that life for himself. “And I'll get out of your way, you know me, I can always find somewhere to fit in.” Turning on the trademark Harkness grin, he shrugged. “I can fit in pretty much anywhere, except really small spaces, there was this cupboard once and-”

“Or you could stay here,” Ianto said quietly, his voice almost drowned out by Jack's but somehow all too audible to him. “I... I'm not sure I'm ready to let... I mean, I think Cardiff would be a much safer place with Captain Jack Harkness around.” Hardly moving, Jack stared at him, considering the offer.

“So, that takes us back to option, what, two?”

“To work together but keep it strictly professional,” Ianto clarified, holding out a hand as though to ward Jack off.

“I guess we could do that,” Jack admitted, nodding his head as he thought about it. “I mean, I know I'm irresistible but I'm sure we will cope. Yeah, just the boss and the worker-”

“With me as the boss,” Ianto added with a smirk. 

“Yes, sir,” Jack snapped back with a quick salute.

“Nothing more.”

“Just colleagues,” Jack agreed.

“Just exes, like an other workplace. It might be hard at first but we can get over it. I can get over you.”

“Exactly. Piece of cake. And I'm already over you.”

“I mean, Gwen and Owen managed it-” Ianto pointed out.

“They did.”

“And we are so much stronger willed than either of them.”

“Oh totally. And better looking.”

“And with bigger egos,” Ianto sighed, “you know, I think I'm over you already too. So that's decided.”

“Looks like it.”

Ianto nodded firmly, decision made. “Tomorrow morning, you can start working for me, at Torchwood. I think it's probably best if you join Johnson's team out in the field, it's more your speciality anyway.”

“I do like to work in fields,” Jack said with a straight face.

“And I can manage the wider team. It will be just like before, I run the office stuff and you-”

“Throw myself in front of speeding bullets, but don't get it kissed better afterwards.”

“Not by me anyway,” Ianto said dryly. “So, precisely that, just friends.”

“Exactly.”

“It's sorted.”

“Uh huh.”

“But just to clarify, we, whatever we were,” Ianto said, waving his hand between them loosely, “are officially over.”

“Yep.”

Pushing up from the bean bags, Ianto stood up straight and held out his hand to Jack. “Just friends.”

Shaking Ianto's offered hand, Jack grinned winningly and let himself be pulled up from his seat to stand facing Ianto. “Just friends.”

When they slammed into the wall two seconds later, their gripped hands trapped between their bodies, the embrace as hungry as the fierce kiss that had suddenly come from nowhere, neither of them could honestly say who had started it.

But it most definitely wasn't a friend kiss.

*******************************************

“I thought you said you were over me,” Jack managed to get out at last, pushing Ianto away just an inch, just enough to breathe.

“I lied,” Ianto snarled back, his grip viciously tight on Jack's hand. “Now shut up and kiss me.”

Jack gasped as he felt Ianto's hand wrench free of his own, reaching up to grasp his face tightly, harsh teeth and lips plundering his mouth with a desperation Jack hadn't felt in so long. Okay, so Jack's bed hadn't exactly been cold and empty that much whilst he was away, but it really had been nothing, had meant nothing. 

The strangers in his bed had desired nothing more from him than his body. Any body would do, if that particular night it happened to be his so be it. The next night it may not even be human and either way he would be gone in the morning, unremarked and unmissed.

But this, to feel so completely and utterly wanted, not just desired but physically needed, desperately, as though the stars themselves might go out if they weren't together, right now, to feel not just lust but love...

Jack tasted blood in his mouth, his own or Ianto's he didn't know or care. This wasn't soft or easy, this was harsh and brutal and it hurt, just like love really did. All that mattered right now was getting Ianto closer, wanting Ianto in him-

Crying out at a sharp scratch to his neck, a slightly too sharp nail catching on sensitive skin, Jack pushed hard against Ianto, flipping them both round so that Ianto was against the wall. Ianto was breathing hard, a dangerous mix between a snarl and a smile on his lips as his tongue snaked over a small smear of blood.

Jack held himself back, but only a few centimetres, as though daring Ianto to cross the gap.

“This... is probably a really bad idea,” Jack breathed hotly, all too aware of the proximity of Ianto's bruised lips and fuck that aftershave he still wore-

“Probably not,” Ianto admitted casually, his hand drifting down Jack's side to slide under his coat and grasp his butt, pulling their hips together with a thud that made Jack groan. “Nothing's changed, this can still never work, I could die tomorrow-”

“Or live to be a hundred and ten and no longer remember what a prick is for and have people mistake me for your grandson.”

Ianto snorted and slid his hand lower, pressing against the fabric of Jack's trousers and sliding his fingers along the crease of Jack's arse. “Don't flatter yourself Jack. You look good for your age but you don't look that young. Son, maybe, but grandson?”

“Since when did you get so mean?”

Shrugging, Ianto shoved Jack hard, pushing him away before flipping them again, slamming Jack against the wall so hard his head slapped against the brick and he began to see stars. “A year of celibacy with John for company will do that to you.” Plunging forwards, Ianto ravished him again, his moves brutal and harsh and not caring at all for Jack's feelings or needs. They'd talked enough, enough compassion and pity, enough sympathy, enough recriminations, this was just about desire.

And maybe just a touch of frustration, of anger, of finally being able to get their own back.

Pulling away from the wall, they continued to kiss even as their hands pulled back, Jack's coat shrugged off and falling to the floor quickly before his braces slid useless to hang against his legs. One layer down, they resumed their hungry embrace, hands exploring over familiar territory with an urgency that spoke of their year apart. Thudding back into the wall, this time Ianto's back was slammed against the crash mats propped against the wall. The surprise of the sensation made him try to break off their kiss, his eyes wide as he tried to look round, to see what was there even as Jack carried on abusing his lips.

“Ja-” the name was lost as he felt a long tug on his lower lip and groaned into the kiss, his hands pulling tight across Jack's back, the problem suddenly not important at all. The kiss finally broke off, Jack's lips shifting to slide along Ianto's jaw.

“Stubble. I hate stubble,” Jack muttered against Ianto's skin, his fingers sliding up inside Ianto's t shirt and playing over his ribs, somehow catching every single bruise from the fight the night before in their trails across his chest.

“Tough,” Ianto gasped, throwing his head back against the mats as he tried not to scream as Jack's fingers found a particularly sore spot. “Suits me.”

“Speaking of suits,” Jack muttered, kissing and nipping lower down Ianto's neck before his hands slid down to Ianto's jeans, struggling with the belt and unfamiliar buttons. “What happened?”

“Day off.”

“Pity, never could resist you in a suit.”

“All the more reason for me to stop wearing them now we're not together. Should help dampen your ardour.”

Laughing, Jack stood up straight again, his gaze challenging as he stared at Ianto. “You think you don't look just as good in jeans?” Grabbing Ianto's wrist, he forced his hand down lower, pressing it against his crotch with a leer. “I've had to think of dead puppies all evening just to keep this under control.”

Raising an eyebrow, Ianto pressed his hand harder against Jack's trousers, rubbing roughly and grinning as Jack's eyelids slid closed, a long groan escaping his lips. “Dead puppies eh?” Flicking his eyes upwards as though considering or appraising Jack's prick, Ianto leaned back against the mats as he undid Jack's fly and slid his hand inside his trousers. “They seem to be working very well.”

Opening his eyes wide in surprise, Jack snarled and shoved Ianto hard. “Why you-”

As Ianto's heels impacted against the mats he felt them shift and his grip on Jack changed from playing to a warning just a second too late as the mats fell against him, unexpectedly heavy. Trying to dodge out the way, he would have managed it if Jack hadn't resisted being pushed back out the way too-

Tumbling to the ground, Jack hit the thin carpet hard, his breath escaping in a loud oof as Ianto hit the ground on top of him, their embrace tight as the mats collapsed and buried them. Laughing, Ianto put his hands flat on the ground, pushing himself up off Jack as Jack tried to get enough breath to laugh too.

“Oops,” Ianto said as he grinned down at Jack before wriggling his arse, bouncing the mats up in the air until finally they started to slide free of his back. Chuckling, Jack grabbed the edges as best he could and helped to push them away and free of their bodies. “Now, where were we...”

Jack groaned as he felt Ianto's fingers press against his cock again, then pause. “What?”

“Uh Jack, you know, if you're not up for it, I can always go give John a call...”

Jack rolled them over onto the thin mats, putting himself on top as he stared down at Ianto, catching the gleam of sheer malice and mischief in Ianto's eyes.

“I still can't believe out of the whole of Cardiff you chose John, I mean... John?!”

“He was good enough for you.” Ianto finally managed to snake his hand down the back of Jack's trousers, harsh and dry fingers grabbing tightly onto his cheeks. “I guess you've just spoilt me for anyone who isn't a 51st century tart with a black book the size of the yellow pages.”

“Eh,” Jack gasped, trying to support his weight on his arms as he thrust against Ianto, the sensations of fabric and the occasional scratch of the metal teeth of the zip painful but at the same time so good. “So, you at least gonna tell me who's better in bed?” Jack asked sarcastically, groaning as Ianto finally managed to wriggle his left hand between them and push aside the trapped layers of material, wrapping his fingers around both their cocks as best he could. Ianto worked with Jack's ragged thrusts to work them both higher.

“No,” he breathed into Jack's mouth, hungry but not very effective kisses marking every word. “Besides, I can't really remember much, I was incredibly drunk, so it wouldn't be a fair comparison.”

Laughing sharply before losing his breath to another kiss, Jack tried to keep up his rhythm. “Well, if we really are just friends now-”

“Friends who fuck I hope,” Ianto muttered darkly, his fingers tightening around Jack's prick, “or this is most definitely harassment.”

“Then you could always have another crack at him. You know, he never could refuse an orgy.”

“Why not make it like the Olympics,” Ianto said, somehow managing to maintain the sarcasm in his voice even with his fingers kneading Jack's arse and cock. “We could have different events, and I could award you both medals for best blow job, best 69-”

“Long distance ejaculation-”

“And of course the stamina events, endurance tasks-”

“Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase Olympic Rings,” Jack admitted, gasping as Ianto's dry fingertip pressed against his hole. “Fuck, Ianto-”

“I'm the boss now, remember, so that's fuck, Ianto, Sir.”

Grinning, Jack nodded, resting on his elbow so he could bring his hand up to his head in a sloppy salute. “Mr Ianto Jones, Sir, I was wondering if at any point soon you might get around to fucking me, sir?”

“You get to bottom?” Ianto asked, his fingers stilling at he stared at Jack. “How come?”

Jack grinned even wider, the grin that a very old friend a long time ago had nicknamed his 'white cliffs of Dover' look. “Well, you are the boss and the boss is traditionally on top-”

“Oh I see, so I get to do all the work whilst you swan around having fun from now on, is that it?”

“Always was, wasn't it?”

Jack groaned as Ianto pulled his hands clear, his legs wrapping around Jack's to roll them both over again before shifting to kneel over Jack, looking down at him, thighs straddling him tightly. “Jack, let's get one thing perfectly clear.”

“Uh huh?”

“I may have always been the one doing most of the work, but when it comes to the bedroom, except for the first month or two when I was learning the ropes-”

“Quite literally as I recall-”

“I have always been the boss of you in bed.”

“And the hot house.”

“And the invisible lift,” Ianto added, his fingers making short work of Jack's shirt and almost ripping it clear of his chest, exposing bare skin underneath, the t shirt mercifully absent for once.

“And the SUV. You know, I really miss that car.”

“Yeah, well, just wait until you see the new one. It even has built in restraints.”

“Oh by the goddesses...” Jack arched upwards as Ianto leaned over him, hands sliding up Jack's arms to pin him to the floor as Ianto nipped along his collarbone, sharp teeth scratching and biting along the sensitive flesh. 

“Maybe that's what I need to do,” Ianto murmured against Jack's ear, the gentleness of his voice teasing and infuriating even as his teeth bit hard against the sensitive lobe. “Maybe I should tie you up every night so you can't run away again.”

“I'd find a way to escape,” Jack snarled back, twisting his head to kiss along Ianto's cheek as best he could. “But then I'd come right back again.”

Grinning wickedly, Ianto pulled back, sitting up again and dragging his fingers down Jack's arms and across his chest hard enough to raise thin red trails across his skin. “If you did, I'd have to punish you...”

Lunging upwards, Jack shifted to sit up, knocking Ianto into his lap and wrapping his arms around his almost fully clothed form tightly. “See, I knew we would come up with a good compromise.”

Jack felt Ianto arch back away from him and went with the move, his arms supporting and catching Ianto even as he kissed over Ianto's now exposed neck, the skin taut and showing every swallow and breath. Shifting his grip, Jack couldn't wait any more and began to tug at Ianto's t shirt, wanting it gone, now, needing to see him, needing to feel him properly, skin to skin again. 

At a push from Ianto, Jack collapsed back down again, letting Ianto return to straddle his prone form. Jack watched as Ianto quickly stripped off his t shirt, the harsh lighting of the room showing every bruise and mark on his body and making Jack frown. Seeing his gaze, Ianto shrugged. 

“It's not what you think, this isn't John, I got in a bar fight.”

“Is that so?”

Grinning, Ianto wriggled back down Jack's legs to expose his stiffening cock and wrapped his fingers around it tightly, making Jack gasp. “Uh huh. I took on three men at once-”

“Now there's a pleasant thought.”

“And was the last. Man. Standing.” Ianto grinned, punctuating each word with a slow drag of his fingers along Jack's cock, pumping him slowly and driving him crazy.

“You will be again if you don't get a move on,” Jack warned, his hands reaching down to push Ianto's off him, his gaze stern and full of fire, warning him. “Please, no more play.”

Nodding, catching the need in Jack's eyes, Ianto shifted, sliding free of Jack and standing up. He pushed his jeans and boxers down to his thighs before kicking Jack's legs apart and sinking to his knees between them. It took a few seconds of tugging and a fair bit of kicking from Jack to get his boots and trousers off but eventually Jack was stripped from the waist down, only his shirt remaining, pushed back from his chest and loose on his arms.

Ianto knelt, perfectly still, between Jack's legs for what seemed like a long time, simply staring at his lover, no, his ex lover. He was torn between the desire to wrap around his body and just hold on tight and the desire to hurt him, to see that flesh bruise and break the way his heart had been doing every single night.

Instead, he moved at last, his hands roaming down Jack's legs to slide under his thighs and lift his legs up a little. At the move, Jack hooked his hands underneath his knees obediently, lifting his legs up and out of the way, baring himself to Ianto all too wantonly. Raising an eyebrow suggestively, Ianto slid two fingers into his mouth and sucked them slowly, coating them as best he could as Jack gave him a slightly puzzled look.

“What,” Ianto mumbled around his fingers before pulling them clear, spitting onto them with a wince. “It's not like I came packing for wild crazy sex in a storeroom, we were supposed to be talking.”

“Yeah, but,” Jack objected, trying to relax as Ianto rubbed one damp fingertip over his hole. “Come on, this is me, the thought must've at least crossed your mind?”

“Maybe,” Ianto said as he gently pressed his way into Jack's body, slow and careful at the lack of proper lubrication. “Maybe I figured you would have something.”

“Nothing that is safe for 21st century humans, unless you don't mind literally getting blue balls.”

“Well then,” Ianto said, grinning as he leaned down to bite along the side of Jack's leg, marking him in a long trail of red and blue. “I didn't bring anything either.” He stopped and winked at Jack. “Or maybe I just figured I'd rather make you squirm for a bit.”

“Bastard.”

Moving so slowly, not really wanting to hurt Jack - but maybe not feeling quite so bad about the discomfort as he would have done before - Ianto began to work him carefully, feeling Jack relax around him a fraction. Glancing down at his handiwork, Ianto looked at Jack curiously and couldn't resist teasing.

“Looks like I didn't even need spit you're so wide already. What you had going through here Jack, a horse?”

Laughing, the sound stopping abruptly as Ianto reached a sensitive spot, Jack tensed on the floor, his eyes closing automatically as he tried to relax. “Not my type, hooves are too sharp on my back and that whole biting my neck bit-”

Chuckling, Ianto suddenly pulled his finger back and leaned over Jack's prone body, reaching past his head for the abandoned denim jacket.

“What the?” Jack asked, staring up at Ianto and letting go of his knees, wrapping himself around Ianto instead and holding on tight. “You're not going anywhere.”

“Jac-” Ianto laughed as he felt Jack's teeth dig into his shoulder, the sound turning into a sharp hiss of breath at the sensation. Letting go of the jacket, he grabbed Jack's hair tight and pulled him away, forcing his head down against the floor and leaning over him. “No.”

“Yes, sir,” Jack breathed quietly, a smile on his lips and challenge in his eyes as Ianto gave in and fell upon him again, kissing him furiously, biting at Jack's lip and gripping his hair tight. He could feel Jack sliding against him, trying to get enough friction on their trapped cocks to come. Ianto snarled and pulled back, shifting his hand down between them, grabbing Jack's cock warningly tight.

“I thought you wanted to be fucked.”

“Uh-huh.”

Letting go, Ianto reached past him again and grabbed his jacket, holding it up so Jack could see. “Then I'll need this.”

“Your jacket?”

“Uh huh, just remembered something.” Digging into lining of the jacket, wriggling his fingers into a small tear in the cotton lining, Ianto grinned in triumph as he pulled out a square packet and held it up to Jack. “Perfect.”

“A condom.” Jack did not sound impressed.

“Yeah.”

“You really want to wear that?”

Ianto glared at Jack. “I don't know where you've been for a year, might not be a bad idea.”

Snorting, Jack reached up and grabbed the condom from him, holding the foil between his fingers. “You know I'm clean, this curse does have some advantages. You really, don't, need this-” Jack looked more closely at the packet and frowned. “Best before 2009, Ianto, just how long have you been carrying this around?!”

Snatching it back off Jack, Ianto tore the pack open and pulled out the sheath within. “That's my lucky jacket. You might remember, I was wearing it the first couple of times we met...”

“Oh? Oh!” Jack's eyes widened as he realised what Ianto was implying and watched as the younger man unrolled the condom but instead of putting it on his cock, rolled it over his fingers. “You mean, that first night, if I'd just-”

Jack groaned as Ianto slid his fingers back down to Jack's arse, the thin layer of lubricant from the condom just enough to make it a little easier – for an old hand like him anyway. Ianto smiled as Jack lifted his arse off the floor, almost fucking the air as Ianto fingered him slowly. 

“Fuck, that's-” Jack groaned, trying to focus as he felt Ianto's hand press firmly against his stomach, forcing him back down onto the mat. “Missed that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah...” Jack breathed out slowly, almost shivering as he surrendered to the sensations running through his body. It wasn't enough to come, nowhere near, but it was so good, so intense and so right. He'd forgotten how it could feel with another human, especially one who knew what they were doing. It was just all about being the right temperature, the right finger length, width, texture, a combination of a hundred and one tiny things that just felt completely like home.

“And for the record,” Ianto muttered quietly, watching as Jack's legs spread wider for him. “Yeah, that first night, I would've.”

“Damn,” Jack breathed, twisting a little on the mat, his fingers spread wide against it as he tried to centre himself and hold steady. “So you brought a condom but no lube?”

Chuckling, Ianto shrugged and eased a second finger into Jack's body, twisting in the now gently slicked entrance. “I said I'd have slept with you. I didn't say I'd've been any good at it.”

Laughing weakly, Jack shook his head quickly as Ianto's fingers found a too sensitive spot, “I'm sure... we would have found a way.”

“We usually muddle through somehow.” Satisfied with his work, Ianto withdrew his fingers and wiped whatever slickness he could still find over his stiff cock, intent on his efforts and not even noticing the hungry look Jack was giving him as he watched. Content, Ianto pumped himself a few times, as though testing how slick he was, before noticing Jack's stare. “What?”

“You.” Ianto carried on pumping himself, ignoring Jack's obviously sentimental moment until his next words threw him completely. “You're so beautiful.”

Freezing, Ianto couldn't stop the minute shake of his head but quickly looked down at his cock, focusing his attention there and avoiding Jack. “W-we usually say handsome for men, Jack,” he managed to get out, trying to turn it into a joke, too vulnerable, too surprised to really take it in, after all that talk, all that pain, why he had to go and say something like that now...

Jack shifted, rising up to support himself on one arm propped behind his back, even as his left hand reached for Ianto's face. Ianto tried not to nuzzle into the touch but felt his eyes close as a thumb traced over the scar on his cheek, the first thing he spotted in the mirror every morning and hated for what it represented. For reminding him of what he had done.

Jack's hand slid behind Ianto's neck, tugging him closer and almost pulling him over as they hastily shifted to keep their balance. “You are beautiful.” It took some effort but he finally pulled Ianto close enough to kiss gently over the scar, his lips drifting past the stubble to slide over the slightly raised skin, his tongue flicking out as though to taste him.

“Don't-”

“It's the truth,” Jack whispered softly, his body aching from the awkward position but determined not to break the moment, not to move just yet. “You are you know.”

Ianto couldn't answer, all his fears about how he had physically changed, all his worries about his scars, about growing old or getting fat or going bald whilst Jack stayed forever young suddenly right there, exposed for all to see by just by four little words. He couldn't handle the fears but he could push them away. He could seize this moment instead.

Burying his face in Jack's neck, kissing and nipping at Jack's skin to cover the truth, that he was avoiding Jack's eyes, Ianto bit gently at Jack's ear lobe before whispering quietly in his ear.

“Jack...”

“What?”

“You remember naked hide and seek?”

Closing his eyes, Jack grinned wickedly as Ianto sucked the sensitive skin into his mouth, teasing and tugging lingeringly. He knew he was being distracted, but, just as Ianto had let him change the subject when it got too much earlier, he went with it. “Oh yeah...”

“You remember,” Ianto mumbled around a mouthful of ear, “what I used to yell when I finished counting?”

Relaxing into the gentle pressure, Jack's grin grew increasingly soppy at the memory as he nodded just a fraction. “I think so, coming, ready or not?”

“Uh huh. Well, same applies now...”

Jack should have realised it was a warning but was too far gone to be thinking properly. Instead, he found himself being released and pushed back down onto the mat roughly, his ankles being held tight by firm hands and lifted into the air, the breath being forced out of his lungs as he was almost folded in half. He could feel Ianto shift, kneeling on the mat right up against Jack's arse, then the tangle of limbs resolved itself as Jack rested his legs against Ianto's torso, his ankles resting by Ianto's head and a strong arm wrapped around his thighs.

Looking up, he grinned at the sight of Ianto's body pressed against his stretched out legs, then gasped as he felt Ianto's cock rubbing over his still slightly too dry hole. At the sensation, Ianto paused, spitting into his palm again and slicking himself up a little more before trying again. This time Jack was more prepared, relaxing into the touch, and slowly Ianto was able to press into him, the gentle pressure building between them.

Ianto could feel his eyes widening at the sensation, it had been so long since he had done this he had almost forgotten just how good it could feel. The tight stretch around him was almost too much, then it was easing, some balance reached and instead he was sliding forward, burying himself in Jack.

He had thought he'd forgotten how this felt; not the physical sensations, not the tight grip around his cock and scent of sex, not the warmth of Jack's body against his, none of that, but the way it felt to be with him. But Ianto realised it was all exactly as he remembered, exactly as he'd tried to make himself forget. 

Whatever had or hadn't happened with John, he knew now it really did mean nothing, it was a match against a star in comparison to how this felt, how the right person could make it so much more than bodies and touch. If this was it, if there really was nothing beyond the darkness, if this, this connection with another human being, with Jack, was the closest he would ever get to heaven, just maybe it would be enough to push back hell.

He stayed, buried in Jack for a long time, long enough to feel Jack tense around him, almost as though trying to remind him what they were doing, and Ianto grinned, pulling his hips back enough to drag his cock back from Jack's body and make the other man sigh deeply.

A quicker snap of his hips turned the sigh into a groan as Ianto began to thrust properly, setting up a fast and determined rhythm, no hesitation now as holding back became an impossibility. He could feel the press of Jack's legs against his chest, tight and supporting him as he leaned forward, bending Jack almost in half. Reaching around Jack's legs, Ianto grabbed his cock tight and began to work him too, pumping him harshly and making Jack grab the mat, his hair, anything he could reach to try and hold on. 

Finally his fingers found Ianto's arms, blunt nails digging fiercely into the skin, hard enough that Ianto was sure there would be yet another bruise in the morning but he didn't care. He wanted to be marked, owned, branded as Jack's forever, wishing there was some way to show on his skin the name that was already etched in scars across his heart. He knew those scars were only going to get deeper, that there was no way to love Captain Jack Harkness without it killing you, but Ianto didn't care.

What was the point of living if he couldn't feel it?

He could feel himself growing closer but at the same time knew he could last for ages, for hours if needs be, anything to make this moment last all night. Would there really never be any others? Could he really walk away again, could he really lose Jack all over again?

Was this the start of a new beginning for them, or was it just goodbye?

Snarling as he fucked harder, letting go and hammering Jack's body now, all thoughts of care and consideration gone, Ianto could feel the slickness of Jack's pre cum on his fingers and brought one hand up to his mouth, tasting it even as the other kept going. He was all too aware of Jack's eyes on him, watching him intently as he slid his tongue over the grooves and life lines of his palm, as though Jack's overflowing life could somehow extend them and make him live forever too.

The sight was almost too much for Jack, his hips bucking slightly as he grew close, his breath coming in soft moans and gasps, quiet mumbles that could be encouragement or curses falling from his lips as he held on tight to Ianto, their fierce embrace driving them higher. With a final twist of Ianto's hand, Jack began to come over his fingers, slick trails covering his skin and sliding between his fingers as he worked Jack through his orgasm, watching every second of pleasure dancing over his face.

Only when Jack began to whimper, too sensitive now, did Ianto let go and slide his hand back between their bodies, pulling free of Jack's arse just long enough to rub his come slicked hand over his cock and slide back in again.

The extra slide reduced the friction just enough to give Ianto a little longer, his eyes closing as he gripped Jack's thighs tight, pounding against his skin and abusing his body as Jack lay sated. Even with the extra lubrication and the best will in the world, Ianto could feel himself coming all too soon, his orgasm washing through and wiping all thought, all worry, everything from his mind for one blissful second that seemed to stretch for eternity. No wonder some of the old religions had considered sex a way of being closer to god.

Snarling his release, almost angry for not lasting longer, wanting to have the moment back to do all over again, Ianto relaxed against Jack's legs, letting himself be supported as his body began to give up. But it was only when he could feel himself going too soft to stay inside Jack that he finally pulled free, awkwardly pushing Jack's legs away and clambering across the mat to lie down beside him, breathing heavily.

Staring up at the ceiling, he felt his eyes closing as Jack reached out and wrapped his fingers through Ianto's. They were both a mess, covered in sweat and their own cum, but somehow it didn't matter right now. Nothing did, not Torchwood or the team or Gwen or their families, nothing mattered.

Feeling his body trying to fight sleep, Ianto grinned to himself sleepily and figured a quick cat nap wouldn't hurt. A thought crossed his mind and he forced his eyes open a little longer, turning his head to face Jack.

“You missed me then?”

Chuckling, Jack rolled onto his side, blue eyes tracing over every inch of Ianto's face before leaning in to kiss him again. “I missed you.”

Closing his eyes, Ianto let himself be held, snuggling into warm arms and wrapping himself around Jack in return and finally able to say the words he'd wanted to all evening. “Good. Because I missed you too.”

************************************************* 8

Jack lay on his back and stared up at the ceiling of the store room, his breathing slow and steady again as he drifted back to reality. “So.”

He felt Ianto shift beside him, the spell broken, his movements slow and uncertain as he sat up and adjusted his clothes and tried to spot his belt in the cluttered room. “So.”

“We've listened to our brains and decided this, us,” Jack said, waving his hand back and forth between his mostly naked body and Ianto's half dressed one, “is a really bad idea.”

“Yep,” Ianto echoed, standing up and hastily pulling his jeans back into place before grabbing his t shirt from where it had ended up thrown over a desk chair and tugging it back on.

Sighing softly, Jack followed suit, clambering up to his feet and retrieving his clothes from around the room. He could almost feel Ianto avoiding his gaze, embarrassed all of a sudden even though it wasn't anything they hadn't done a million times before.

Although, with what had been said between them, maybe it wasn't the sex he was embarrassed about.

“And our bodies clearly don't care what our brains think and say we're a fantastic idea,” Jack added, as he buttoned his shirt, catching Ianto's smile as he nodded.

“Clearly.”

They carried on getting dressed, just their coats remaining to go on before they finally faced each other properly. It was Jack's turn to be embarrassed as he helped push the mats back into place against the wall. As they thudded back into place he found himself leaning against them next to Ianto, his lips so close it was impossible to resist.

The kiss was soft this time, the anger and passion all spent, for now anyway, and instead was just comfortable, warm, welcoming him home more eloquently than words ever could. Jack wrapped his arms around Ianto, pulling him close again and feeling the younger man relax against him, almost melting into his arms with tiredness. When the kiss finally ended, he squeezed Ianto softly, feeling an answering hug.

“I guess there's only one thing left to consider then,” Jack whispered. Ianto looked at him curiously and Jack shrugged. “What does your heart want to do?”

Laughing just once, Ianto tried to speak but couldn't, couldn't say it, not out loud, not yet. Not until he knew how Jack felt. He already knew his own heart, but he needed to protect it above all else. There wasn't enough left to risk handing it to Jack until he was sure if it was going to be ripped apart – or maybe, just maybe, slowly stitched back together again.

Lifting his hand to stroke through Ianto's hair, Jack looked at that face he'd thought of a thousand times over the past year, his eyes roaming over each and every new laugh line, the shadow of stubble and the silver streak of the scar on his cheek and smiled. 

“Because I know what mine wants, Ianto Jones. I've had a lot of time to think, and I've been in this situation far too many times before in my life, and I know one thing for certain now.”

Pulling him closer and resting his head against Ianto's, Jack smiled just a little and let his hand drift down Ianto's neck almost possessively. “I know I want you in my life. I know that one day I'm going to be alone again, but that I won't regret a single day of it, as long as I get to spend them with you. I don't know how to make that work, I don't know that we won't be right back here again in a few years or maybe just weeks time, but I know I want to try. Do you?”

Closing his eyes, Ianto nodded and kissed Jack, trying to hide the frustration and pain in his eyes. It was so much, so much more than he had ever hoped he would hear from Jack, but there was still just a little bit further to go. He hadn't thought he would ever need that sort of validation but he suddenly realised just how much it meant to him, how he could forgive everything, all the loneliness and pain, but only if he knew. He needed to hear the words.

He needed to know Jack loved him too.

But he also knew now he could wait a bit longer. It was just a different kind of waiting, but he was good at that. And some things, some people, some words, were worth waiting for.

Pulling back, Ianto breathed deeply and opened his eyes again, tiredness threatening to overwhelm him at last as the last traces of the days tension left his body. He was exhausted.

“So,” Jack pushed gently, looking into Ianto's eyes, “was that a yes?”

“I... Yes,” he whispered finally, the word quickly chased from his lips by a sudden yawn, making him grin, trying to break the tension. “We should get some rest,” Ianto said finally, afraid he was going to fall asleep where he stood if he held off any longer. “I don't know about you but I've had a hell of a week and it's only Tuesday. Do you have any stuff? Anywhere to go?”

Shaking his head Jack tried to keep the hopeful edge out of his voice. “I stashed my bag in a safe place earlier, but I've got nowhere to go. We could go back to yours. I'd love to see where you live now.”

Ianto thought of his flat, of the empty spaces where he hadn't even bothered unpacking yet, despite living there for months. He thought of the scraps of photos and papers they had retrieved from the archives spread over his coffee table like some bizarre jigsaw or serial killers noticeboard, complete with as many photos of Jack as he had been able to recover from the wreckage.

He thought of the abandoned ice pack, soggy and melted in his sink, and of the sheets he had hastily stripped from his bed and thrown into the machine that morning. He hadn't dared to look too closely at them, bundling them up hurriedly and avoiding any possible proof they might contain of what he'd done, proof that John had been there, in Ianto's bed, Ianto's flat, a place that not even Jack had been yet...

He thought of the bruises and marks covering his body from the day before, of the twisted scar on his leg that still made him wince whenever he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, the soreness of his ribs and the tender black eye that even now he couldn't quite ignore-

He'd thought of this, of Jack, of being able to take him home at last for so long, but now the moment was here, now that Jack was in his arms and with the urgent need gone, all he wanted was sleep and solitude and a chance to heal, inside and out. 

Shaking his head quickly, Ianto pulled back, resting his forehead against Jack's to avoid his gaze.

“No, not there. Not... not yet. It's too fast. I'm not ready.” Forcing a smile onto his face he tried to make light of it, hoping Jack didn't know - or at least was able to ignore - the real reasons he couldn't go back there this soon.

Ianto felt Jack nod against him and could see the faintest creases of a smile from his odd angle, Jack's cheeks moving slightly.

“Well,” Jack said softly, “I need a place to stay anyway. Maybe we can find a hotel?”

Nodding just once, Ianto pulled back from Jack. “Actually, we have a couple of safe houses. You could use one of those until-” He broke off, not quite sure how that sentence should end. “For as long as you need it.”

He caught the slight flash of pain across Jack's face as he emphasised the you, but ignored it. He wasn't going to give in to puppy dog eyes or guilt this time. He had to protect himself, to resist the urge to move too fast and forget all that had happened between them, or he would be lost again, consumed by 'them', become a 'we', and forget himself all over again. He had spent so much of his life becoming what other people needed him to be instead of what he needed. Not again. Not this time.

“Jack,” Ianto said hesitantly, pulling the shreds of his armour back into place and standing up straight as he adjusted his belt, the final pieces of his defences sliding into place over his skin. “Whatever... However you choose to play this out, it's okay, I mean, nothing's changed, I will still die, whether it's years from now or tomorrow, I can't- I'm going to hurt you. And there's nothing I can do to stop that.”

Reaching for his jacket, he stopped as his fingers brushed over the denim, lost in memory of the first night they'd met. “I know you're no good for me. I know that I'm going to break your heart, if you don't break mine first, but I need you to know something.” Looking up again, he stared Jack straight in the eye, not blinking, not shy and with none of the gentle coyness that had marked so many of their early encounters. “I'm yours. For as long as I live. So just... Do whatever you need to do. I'll be okay.”

“I can't ask that of you,” Jack said softly, leaning in closer to Ianto and tracing a finger along his cheek.

“Well, if you don't ask and I don't offer we'll never get bloody anywhere, will we?” Ianto nudged the finger away and grabbed Jack's hand in his, more restraining than comforting. 

“You know, we could just do this the same way everyone else on the planet does it,” Jack added, twisting his hand to wrap his fingers between Ianto's. “One day at a time.”

“You make it sound like Alcoholics anonymous.”

“Well, I'm certainly addicted to you.”

“If I'm a Jack addict what does that make you? A Iantoholic?”

“Sounds good to me,” Jack chuckled, kissing Ianto again softly.

“But,” Ianto said, pushing him away just a little, “if we're going to do this, if we're going to be together, not just work but proper partners then this has to be all the way. No messing around.”

Nodding, Jack got a slight glint in his eye as he dropped to one knee in front of Ianto, twisting to hold his hand and smiled up at him. “So, will you marry me?”

Laughing incredulously, Ianto wrapped his fingers through Jack's hair and tugged lightly, stepping closer to press his hip against Jack's cheek. “Don't be daft. Besides, you on your knees doesn't look right without a gun or a cock being involved somehow.”

“If I'm really lucky, both,” Jack joked, trying not to wince as Ianto tugged him upwards, the grip on his hair just enough to encourage him to get to his feet again.

“Look,” Ianto explained, “I don't mean civil partnership or buying a house together or any of that stuff just... There need to be some differences this time. You're not my boss any more, I don't need you to protect me. Not even from your past.” Jack's smile faded and he nodded slowly. “And we keep it professional at work, no sneaking off for a quickie in the back office mid afternoon.”

“But that was half the fun!”

“And you need to meet my sister, properly.” Jack groaned loudly and Ianto chuckled, grabbing Jack and pulling him close, their bodies pressed together again. “And Johnny.” His face grew serious as he softened his grip, sliding his arms around Jack. “And, not right away, but some day, the kids.” Jack's face went a little pale but he nodded, his ability to joke suddenly gone in the face of reality. “Deal?”

“Deal.”

Ianto leaned in and kissed Jack, just softly at first then with increasing passion before finally wrenching himself away. “Right, let's go get you settled shall we? You need a good nights sleep, come tomorrow you're working for me. And I'm a hard taskmaster,” Ianto joked, heading for the door.

“Tell me something I don't know.” Dusting himself off, Jack blew out a deep breath and straightened himself up, sliding his coat on at last. This was certainly going to be an adjustment.

But worth it. That was something he was certain of.

****************************************

Captain John Hart leaned back in the chair and took a deep breath, clicking off the sound and trying to hold back the cold grin that he could feel on his face. He had always been about the short game in the past, the quick con, get in, get off, get out. He had never really bothered to take his time, to enjoy a long slow seduction or feel the thrill of a steady chase, building slowly day by day. It was new and intriguing and had unexpected twists.

He could get used to this.

That was the thing about meddling with the time lines, you never knew exactly what you would get. In an alternative world that he had cast aside he had had Jack, but Jack had been broken, no good to John and with him not even out of choice but happenstance. It hadn't been enough. So he had changed history itself, rewritten time to fix his Jack, even if it meant losing him to Ianto.

He hadn't counted on Jack running away. Now that had been an interesting development, the choice, to follow a broken Jack off into the stars or to stay with a broken Ianto instead. He had wondered sometimes if he had made the right choice, if by staying put he would ever have a chance to get Jack back again. But last night had worked out better than he had ever thought. He had got Ianto instead, beautiful, fragile, oh so desperate and eager for any sign of affection Ianto.

And now, he had exactly what he needed.

Because he had realised in that other world that Jack would never give up on Ianto as long as he lived and Ianto would never give up on Jack, as long as they were together he would never be able to separate them. It would really be until death do them part for those two.

But being apart, with their pain pushing them further away from each other, the silences building until doubt crept into the gaps left behind, the weight of the world on their shoulders, that had succeeded where even death had failed before. They had pulled themselves apart - and guess who had helped pick up the pieces.

And now they were back, together at last, but still so far apart. What happened next would be up to them.

If they couldn't close the gap between them again, Jack would leave, bitter and angry and John would be right there with him to put him back together the way he wanted, to play on his fears and anger and passion and make it his own.

If Jack rejected him, he could stay behind with Ianto and help him pick up the pieces, work on his insecurities and need and build him back up again, harder, stronger than before. He could mould him into exactly what he needed, use his bitterness and broken heart to forge something stronger, darker.

And if they stayed together... Well, that would mean forgiving the indiscretion, would mean forgiving John, and he would be able to stay too. The three of them, working together, saving the human race-

And maybe each other. Sliding the blobs back into their jars and gathering his things back together, getting ready to head out again, John grinned broadly. 

He could get used to the slow game.


End file.
